I rant. Therefore I am.

SERIOUSLY--I HAVE MOVED!

2009-05-25T19:00:00.002+08:00

I have been blogging at a new address for the past
5 months.

CLICK HERE to see what I have been up to!

I HAVE MOVED.

2009-01-16T20:01:00.001+08:00

This blog is now at THIS address!

out with the old. in with the new.

2008-12-26T00:41:00.003+08:00

One of my favourite photos of the sunset. Photo taken last year in KK.

Happy Holidays everyone! Its the month of eating and drinking and as I gobble more food and drink that I can possibly stomach whilst trying to hold the seams of my dress together I do hope that everyone is in good form. Do take a minute to think of those less fortunate and if possible do your part in every little way that you can. I was supposed to be distributing food to the homeless on Xmas day, but apparently my services are not needed in the little town of Weymouth. So I will wrap up some clothes and books that are still perfectly decent though are of no use to me and send them off to a charity shop on boxing day!

I find that I have come to the end of one chapter of my life and with that I have decided to start a new blog. As I feel it is necessary to move on and close this chapter of my life which has been wonderful, really difficult at times but necessary for me to get where I am today. As I start a new year in a new place with a soon to be husband. I bid you farewell. See you in the new year and I'll be ranting at a new blog so

CLICK HERE FOR CHAPTER 5.

Brief explanation as to why I renamed my blog to chapter 5.
*chapter 1-Childhood, growing up in England.
chapter 2-Teen, awkward years, back in Malaysia.
chapter 3-College, University, experimentation years.
chapter 4-After University, experimenting with different job and professions.
chapter 5-Now...

My list for Santa this year

2008-12-19T21:31:00.004+08:00

Delayed Post: written in the UAE, 28th Nov 2008.

Realistically I do have items I need and if Santa really existed I would like the following for Xmas please:

-A USB Internet Dongle.
-An insulated Camelbak for my Platypus (not of the animal variety!) its so I can keep my water nice and cold especially when I'm trekking in the desert!
-A new Ipod with a protective case (suitable for the outdoors and possibly waterproof too!)
-An SLR camera with an underwater case.
-New/more clothes for work. (Not cheap stuff but actually top notch branded outdoor gear so they last longer! My 3quid tshirt and shorts are great but dont last as long and after a couple of washes just lose elasticity and looks as if its been sitting in my wardrobe for decades)
-Water shoes-NOT CROCS: I really despise crocs, they have to be the silliest footwear ever invented (need water shoes to prevent myself from getting sea urchin spines and injuring my feet in some of the activities!)
-A years salary, so I can volunteer for organisations of my choice!
-100 quid Amazon cheque so I can stock my shelves with books (I do seem to go through books alot quicker here as there is very little to do here!)
-Tickets to KK for my friends who are scattered around the globe in July (so they can attend my wedding)
-A blank cheque to actually pay for my wedding!
-A Wedding planner!
-Abolish poverty. Spread joy. World peace. *I wish*

I know. ITS been AWHILE.

2008-12-19T03:57:00.010+08:00

Being in the UAE meant not having the best internet connection and when you somehow manage to fight your way amongst many others similarly wanting access to the dinky dial-up internet in the office; every frickin website is banned/proxy-ed. So here are a couple of posts from my time in the UAE.

DELAYED POSTS BELOW. (September-Early December)

1) from constant rain to constant heat..

So its been a month since I have been working with this new company.

I usually dive into new situations with little or no expectations. Which I didnt do this time! Needless to say, slight disappointments followed. This by far has to be one of the most laid back organisations I have ever worked for! W and I only found out we were flying to Mauritius two days before the flight.. we had been prepared to spend the winter in England. I have to admit, the conditions in the middle east isnt as bad as I expected it to be-there are pros and cons and I can now convince myself that the pros definitely outweigh the cons. The weather when we first arrived was my biggest challenge-I was literally melting in the sun, I am now extremely tanned (Never have I ever been this tanned!). The culture in the middle east is extremely laid back as well-not always a good thing!... the staff are slowly bonding: I was quite miserable when I first arrived but have now learnt to appreciate days off (days off are rare!) but I am being paid extremely well and all my expenses are covered!The 'season' technically ends early May .. W and I are considering the possibility of working a little longer than a season though.

Pros
The money is sooo good.
All my living expenses are paid for by the company.
No taxes.
I work outdoors and am not stuck in a shitty office.
I can swim with the turtles everyday. (we're located along the coastline and the beach is 5 minutes from the centre)
I am living with another girl who is considerate.(being diplomatic - I have mixed feeling about the whole situation)
We have an attached bathroom in our own little cabin. (with our own washing machine)
Unlike other parts of the emirates alcohol is available across the road (cheap too!)
We have 4 months off in the summer (which means we can travel and relax).
We have more than enough money to get us through summer without working.
Our employer is amazingly nice and takes care of his staff.

Cons
I expected a little more out of the work I would be doing, the boss has plans for me but is making me work alot more in the centre than the expedition side of things. (mmm... we'll see how this pans out after a couple of months)
I cant live with W. Its illegal to co-habit. (despite the fact that we are engaged) and he lives in an apartment away from the centre (with my roommates other half!)
We work almost everyday and days off is something that happens once in a blue moon.
Not much of a social life (small staff team of only 10: 6 of us are permanent and 4 staff members are temp staff)
Spending time with W is sometimes close to impossible as both of us are working long hours at times and completely exhausted at the end of the day and unlike some of the staff he stays in the company apartment.

2) Did you know?

-The locals (emiratis) in the Middle East are paid to be alive?
-The locals receive money from the government from the day they were born.
-At 18 & 21 they are given gifts: a brand new car(18) and a nice new villa (21)
-Population in Dubai: 80% expats 20% Locals!
-If you're involved in an accident (as a driver), till the authorities can prove that you're innocent you spend some time in prison (makes me not want to drive!)
-The Middle East has the lowest petrol prices in the world.
-Dubai has the most construction sites (and cranes!) in the world (apparently 85% of the worlds construction cranes are in Dubai!)
-Medical services are free in the the Middle East (no one pays a penny for consultation and medication and the government hospitals-this includes foreigners!)

3) I do

(does the piccie look familiar? pic courtesy of P-I loved this sho!t)
Yes the rumours are true - I am getting hitched. I havent been able to spread the news due to the crappiest internet connection in the world,
I seem to run out of credit every other day and with the fact that I work almost 12 hours a day leaves me with little time to myself. I have 2 days off and have decided to use the days off to update my blog and upload pictures to my facebook account! Rather boring events for a day off but I loved the fact that I didnt have to get up at a specific time in the morning (although it was rather annoying as I automatically got up at 730am!) But it was nice just lying in
bed doing absolutely nothing!The only reason why I have a day off today is because we have a group from an Arabic school (all boys) so the girls were advised against working (they have very little respect for women in this country!)

With the next couple of days off, I am starting to plan my wedding... unfortunately when I tried this morning I went completely blank and thats just trying to decide where to start.
Although I live my life without planning this will probably be the the one time I have to actually plan and in detail! As a little girl I always imagined a big white dress and a huge party...20 or so years down the line I then decided that if I ever were to marry someone that someone had to be open to the idea of eloping..Now at 28 (29 this year!) I have come to realise how important and special the actual event is, not just to the happy couple. If I did have it my way
I would probably keep the wedding celebrations to a minimum... With the turn of events we're actually having 5 celebrations in both Malaysia and England.
So it works out that I will register this December followed by a reception (England). Next July there will be a banquet/reception in a hotel and at my grandmothers house (typical Kg. wedding) and last but not least a ceremony where we exchange vows (the last 'celebration' do is the bit of the 'wedding' that I really want..) I want to walk down the aisle (outdoors), I want to wear a white dress, I want my close friends and family to be present and I want my dad to walk down that aisle with me.

It actually is surreal that by December I will be Mrs. W.
Its actually time to move on to a new phase of my life.

4) my year so far

With the year coming to the end its that time of the year where I spend an hour writing a sentimental post reflecting on the year that has just passed.
I have managed to lead the life I've wanted to live. My passion for working in the outdoors has now brought me to the extremely sunny shores of United Arab Emirates (I havent experienced a day of rain since September!). I started the year in Thailand then Langkawi (where I worked for a company that was rubbish and racist) and then flew to England and spent the first month visiting old friends. I then worked for a company called Camps Int. and spent a brilliant month or so in Kenya leading a Scuba Diving Expedition and was back in England again and visited more friends (some of whom I havent seen in years! The decision was then between working in India or UAE and we finally decided to take the job in UAE which open doors to more travelling and spent a week in Mauritius on another expedition before heading to the adventure centre. *there were other jobs we applied for ie. dolphin trainer in Mexico and another position in Honduras (slightly dodgy as they then requested a picture of us in our swimwear???!!). Another 3 weeks and then we'll be spending December (Xmas and new year) back in UK with possible travel to somewhere in Europe :)

I am still unsure as to where we are off to after our stint with this company. Will keep you posted as I always do...eventually

bonjour, au revoir, al -salamulaikum, ala laasalama...

2008-09-24T18:04:00.005+08:00

from a tropical paradise..

to the harsh desert..

Hello and goodbye in both French and Arabic! Am off to Mauritius and then Dubai. Will blog when I actually get the chance-will be back in 'sunny' England in December. This time tomorrow I will be out trekking and doing some community project :)
Till then smile people.

and so the journey continues..

2008-09-22T19:14:00.004+08:00

Its been a hectic yet relaxed year for me (I cant actually explain how its been such a contradicting year in that sense!) with my ever-changing plans, my quest to do more charity/community and conservation work and to be in the great outdoors, I've been running from one end of the planet to another sometimes having to go on for 24 hours straight and other times just waiting around doing absolutely nothing. If its one thing I have learned in the past couple years; its to always be optimistic knowing that I can get what I want and to be extremely patient..I do have my down days, my feel-like-crap-days, my-getting-out-of-the wrong side-of-the-bed days but that aside I have manage to do something I really love and get paid doing it! Its a risk, a challenge and there are times when I feel as if I'm not going to secure another job in time and that the money will run out but somehow or another something bigger and better has always cropped up and I'm grateful of the many buddies and family who have supported me in my globet-rotting quest. I left with about GBP400 in my pocket-some might feel a little insecure to wander into the great unknown without even securing a job but I found it somewhat liberating.

I was thinking about my year so far the other day and did some rather bizarre calculations:

*I have been on at least one flight every month this year.

*I have not stayed in the same accommodation longer than 2 weeks in a given place. (even though I am in the same town.. I'm out camping, visiting friends outside the town etc)

*I have taken every transport possible. (Bus, car, 4wd, truck, van, plane, boat, big boats, train, tube, LRT, bicycle, quad bike, kayak, elephant....)

*I have spent 46.5 hours on random flights with Kenya Airways, Air Asia, Malaysian Airlines, Royal Brunei. I still have more flights scheduled and to be honest I am actually a nervous passenger on flights! (I cant even begin to count the hours spent on other modes of transportation!)

* I have spent too much time waiting around as well, waiting for transport and then getting from point a to b.

*Because of all the waiting I have read about 20 or so books (average 250 pages each-although one of those books has about 730 pages!)

*I have met approx a 1000 new people as in spoken and had conversations with them. This is from random people I meet on the streets to new friends/colleagues etc (yes I actually did my math for this!).

Most importantly I have and I'm sure everyone has in the past year :

*Laughed and smiled countless of times.

*Made people laugh and smile countless of times.

*Had fun.

*Made a difference in someones life.

and thats why I do what I do because its not the waiting around bit or the travelling bit that counts: it seriously is the little bit of joy I get from having a good laugh.

Happiness..

2008-09-18T19:44:00.002+08:00

*Sigh* The week is almost over. Several happy quotes to inspire people who are having a bad day, week, year or moment. SMILE.

"Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response." -- Mildred Barthel.

"Happiness is like a cat, If you try to coax it or call it, it will avoid you; it will never come. But if you pay not attention to it and go about your business, you'll find it rubbing against your legs and jumping into your lap." -- William Bennett

"If you want happiness for an hour -- take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day -- go fishing.
If you want happiness for a month -- get married.
If you want happiness for a year -- inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime -- help someone else. -- Chinese proverb

Success is getting and achieving what you want. Happiness is wanting and being content with what you get." -- Bernard Meltzer

"Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it." -- Bernard Meltzer.

"Act happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love, and do what you will."
-- Dan Millman

"I have learned to seek my happiness by limiting my desires, rather than in attempting to satisfy them."
-- John Stuart Mill.

"Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have."
-- Doris Mortman

I have been meaning to...

2008-09-17T00:43:00.001+08:00

I have access to the internet every day, every minute of the day.. even in bed - thanks to the brilliant technology of wireless - yet I have not been able to sit and write a proper blog post (not questionnaires and quizzes!)- in short: I Couldnt be bothered. Its been ages, despite observing, listening and experiencing many things I'd like to blog about and add to my blog/journal! (I have been reading my old posts quite a bit and am actually really glad I kept and started this blog!). I have been back from a brilliant work stint in Kenya for the past month now and spent 2 and half weeks out of the month travelling around the country visiting old friends and generally doing very 'touristy' activities. Its amazing how in the past 2 months loads has happened, met so many different people, reunited with some I havent seen in years, experienced and had some rather emotional times etc. I am in the midst of writing several different blog posts and articles (I also contribute to several travel websites!) So for friends and family who do keep in touch with me via my blog: updates this week. As for those who arent in either category of 'friend or family' thanks for reading - I am left with random comments and emails from strangers and P.S I got some interesting stories, issues etc that will also be posted :)

Have a great week everyone!

brain dead today so this is what I did..

2008-09-13T22:42:00.005+08:00

1. The person who tag/pass you is?
Mel-cha

2. Your relationship with her/him is?
Blood is thicker than water-she my cuz (my real cuz) who is pissed that i moved far far away.

3. Your five impression of her/him?
Witty. Sarcastic (in a way only some of us appreciate). Protective over people she loves. Pissed off at me ;) ...

4. The most memorable thing she/he had done for you?
She has done loads for me. From taking me under her wing when I got back from England for the 1st time (days when I was a snotty britkid) and explaining to me the technicalities of the malay language (meninggal dunia does not mean leave for outer space!) to accepting my drunken 3am calls to handing me tissues and guzzling copious amounts of alcohol and tobacco coz some idiot had hurt me.. there are LOADS(some embarassing ones as well).

5. The most memorable thing she/he had said to you?
"Just thinking of you. And, you might find this hard to believe, but I miss you."
I received an email recently and I was in the middle of nowhere in Kenya and I had the opportunity to check my email - I was having a slightly challenging time and receiving this made my day :)

6. If she/he becomes your lover you will...?
Be disgusted. Thats incest on a whole new lesbianism level.

7. If she/he becomes your lover, thing she/he has to improve on will be?
To not have a plan for everything coz if she (EEEEEEEW) were with me on that level she'd have to be accustomed to my not knowing where or what i'll be doing tomorrow let alone next week.

8. If she/he becomes your enemy, you will...?
Be absolutely gutted. I feel pretty out of the loop already since Im so far away :(

9. If she/he becomes your enemy, the reason will be?
She got everyone in to pin me down and tickle and torture my ears. (I have a thing about my ears ok)

10. The most desired thing you want to do for her/him now is?
Buy her a plane ticket to get her out of there and secure a job and an extremely attractive amazing young Irish guy.

11. Your overall impression of her/him is?
She makes me laugh. She cheers me up. She has been my support for many years.

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?
I think people think I'm nuts as to how I live my life. A globetrotting, sofa surfing Nomad.

13. The characters you love of yourself are?
(HUH? Is it not characteristics instead of characters!?)
I am optimistic, selfless and have adopted the whole "such is life' attitude.(some might say these characteristics are not the best but at least with these 'characters' (geez) I am happy and somehow the people I meet and are friends with are happy)

14. On the contrary, the characteristics you hate about yourself are?
Being indecisive, soft hearted, I doo procrastinate.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?
Mia with loads of cash so I need not work and I can spend most of my time doing volunteer work.

16.For people that care and like you, say something to them :
I love you guys. .. let the bad things go and the good things remain.. such is life.

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you.
(ok i assume they don't have to have blogs...)
-> They are :
1) May Leng
2) Will
3) Yolanda
4) Sam/Peanut Head
5) Mel (yes you!)
6) Anna
7) Firomli
8) Darren aka Dazza
9) Kar
10) Lynn

18. Who is no.6 having relationship with?
That i know of? Not too sure.

19. Is no.9 a male or female?
Shes a lady..

20. If number 7. and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
Highly doubt it since 10 is married!

21. What is no.2 studying about?
Extreme outdoor activities including impaling ones foot on a fence whilst sloshed.

22. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
A week ago on the phone.. a couple of days ago online.

23. What kind of music band does no. 8 like?
Depending on his mood but strictly no chick songs...

24. Does no.1 have any siblings?
Yep. 2 Big Bros.

25. Will you woo no.3?
Maybe if I did swing that way.

26. How about number 7?
Other than reading each others blog we've never actually met...

27. Is no. 4 single?
Nope. He's with a lovely ozzie lass, Elinor.

28. What is the surname of no.5?
LOL.. leong foon jelly or chan-lai-kalam?

29. What's the hobby of no.10?
Jetsetting across the globe and pampering her cats and husband.

30. Do no.5 and 9 get along well?
Mel and Kar? Put them two together the earth will start to shake. Both possess a contagious laugh and both are hilarious esp. whilst reminiscing old days.

31. Where is no.2 studying at?
Jungles of Borneo. Deserts of Oman. Scottish Highlands. Mountains of Kenya.

32. Talk something casually about no.1?
(I dont even understand this question!) She is tiny but has a hell of a squeaky voice.

33. Have you tried developing feelings for no.6?
Er, no. I am straight.

34. Where does no.9 live at?
KotaKinabalu Sabah.

35. What colour does no.4 like?
All things green :) Esp trees.

36. Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
They're good friends :)

37. is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
I bet he is.

38. What is no.6 doing now?
It's 4:26pm here so its 11:26pm there. Probably a ridiculous 16 hour shift saving peoples lives.

sunday thoughts..

2008-09-07T23:52:00.000+08:00

"Seven Blunders of the World"

1. Wealth without work

2. Pleasure without conscience

3. Knowledge without character

4. Commerce without morality

5. Science without humanity

6. Worship without sacrifice

7. Politics without principle

—Mahatma Gandhi

10 rules for being human.

2008-09-05T08:43:00.002+08:00

1.	You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
2.	You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."
3.	There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."
4.	Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5.	Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6.	"There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
7.	Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8.	What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9.	Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10.	You will forget all this.

once you start.....

2008-08-28T04:16:00.000+08:00

You Are the Guru

You are a naturally good counselor. You are inspiring, encouraging, and compassionate.

You are eager to help everyone who crosses your path, even those who don't want to be helped.

You are a natural healer. People feel at peace when they are with you.

You are so good for people, in fact, that they go through withdrawal once you're gone.

You quietly do your own thing, without openly resisting. You secretly try to fix every problem.

Your biggest regret is not being able to help as many people as you'd like.

What Role Do You Play?

Speling misteaks.

2008-08-28T04:09:00.001+08:00

One for Yo and Mel.

Your Common Spelling Mistake Score: 95% Correct

Your spelling is excellent.

You don't fall for common spelling pitfalls, and you spell almost everything correctly.

Do You Make Common Spelling Mistakes?

The Meaning of life..

2008-08-28T04:06:00.001+08:00

My first post in a long time and I was inspired by Yo.

What the House Test Says About You

You consider yourself important, but no more important than anyone else. You love attention, but you don't feel like you deserve more of it than anyone else.

You aren't against being community oriented, but it's not really your thing. You tend to prefer to focus on your family and not the neighborhood around you.

You are a social, friendly, and giving person. You like to bring people together and make them feel happy.

You take good care of your physical appearance. You dress well, stay in shape, and do your best to look great.

You are moved by your own inner sense of peace. You spend a lot of time reflecting on the meaning of life.

The House Test

Jambo, Kwaheri.

2008-07-08T10:29:00.004+08:00

Which means Hello and goodbye in Swahili.

Swahili: A language I'll be trying to pick up in the next month or so on my expedition to East Africa. I have been busy running around trying to sort things out and have not had a chance to blog.
My equipment and crap trying to get stuff sorted before I leave!

Excited. Nervous. Though I cant wait and all for work and fun at the same time. I will be out in an African village for 10 days and then out camping in the National Park (game safari!), Will also be doing a marine conservation project and diving for 10 days of the coast of Mombasa, Kenya. Till I blog again.. Kwaheri..
Do keep in touch.

fatism

2008-06-25T21:19:00.008+08:00

Fatism (n) -

1. Discrimination or prejudice based on a person's weight.

Fatist (n & adj) -

1. A a person with a prejudiced belief that one persons weight is superior to others.

2. based on intolerance to a person's weight.

I have never even heard of the term! Was channel surfing last night and stumbled upon 2 separate documentaries on the whole UK weight issue which is currently a hot topic here that they are actually organising/screening a whole week of programs regarding weight (not to sure when this is happening though..). One was entitled "Fat & Proud" and the other "Too young to diet?". It was interesting.

Did you know that :

2 in 5 of the UK population are overweight? (Its probably 1 in 20/30 in Asian countries!)

A size 16 is the average size for women in the UK? (Its probably a size 7-8 in Asia)

That a group of dedicated individuals are trying to establish some sort of discrimination act (similar to racism, sexism- hence the name fatism?). I guess it is somewhat called for in certain situations, apparently there have been cases where employers at certain organisations rejecting applicants due to their size although they were well qualified for the job!

fat & proud

They featured some very 'horizontally-challenged' women and interestingly enough some of them were very active but due to some specific component in their genes they have been 'living it large' throughout their lives. Most of the individuals they featured had at one point (prior to being on the show!) very little or no self confidence.

I guess being Asian, constantly surrounded by slim people and with the whole asian culture where appearances are everything (shallow as it may be! It is true!), even at my size I'm considered 'big' in Asia! (still hasnt stopped me from thinking my thighs are too big in this side of the world!) I was in a shop the other day in Weymouth town and couldnt find my size(everything was huge), for a second there I thought I was in a plus-size store: No I wasnt, it was a regular store! The obesity rate is low (though increasing) in Malaysia, however its still nothing compared to the obesity/overweight statistics of the UK and US. The other survey conducted was one based on race and found that the chinese/asian community here are a minority in terms of contributing to the statistics of the overweight community! Must be the food! Although they do have it easier here, its relatively easy to eat healthy as they have a variety of healthy food/meals and are all ready packed. I think generally everyone has presumptions of others. The individuals in this documentary were saying that they were singled out and mistreated because of their weight *sigh* - we've all been singled out and called names because of our race, weight, height, accent.. if thats the case should there be a discrimination act for each category? Why cant we just get along?..

Too young to diet?

Which then brings me on to the next documentary. "Too young to diet?". With the whole hype of obesity and the increase in numbers of overweight individuals in the UK, they are now trying to educate school kids on eating healthily and being physically active. Unfortunately this has opened up a huge can of worms and instead of having a whole generation of healthy kids they're tackling new problems with weight conscious kids who now suffer eating disorders!

They conduct the following test on diagnosing Anorexic/Bullimic/etc patients:

What do you see?

Do you see both a young lady and an old lady or can you only see the young lady?
According to the therapist if you can only see the young lady and find it difficult to switch between young lady to old lady you're likely to have an eating disorder and are probably very body conscious.
(I remember seeing this as a kid and thinking wheres the old lady I cant see her.. ooh!)
Anyway they featured two kids on their show a 10 year old girl and a 9 year old boy who were way O.T.T on the whole weight issue.

Quote 10 year old girl: "I'm afraid of being fat. I think I am fat. I exercise throughout the week to keep trim and count calories "
(My opinion: She was skinny, she was doing adult exercises when she could be doing fun not-exercise type exercise like playing rounders or something, she should enjoy her childhood and her mum shouldnt encourage her calorie counting habit!)

Quote 9 year old boy: " I am scared of putting on weight. I am not happy about my body shape and am trying to change it. I want a 6 pack. I feel guilty from eating ice cream on holiday"
(My opinion: HE'S 9 he doesnt need a 6 pack of any sort unless its a type of yogurt. Stop doing push-ups and press-ups, ice cream is a kiddy treat indulge while you can!

What is the world coming to?
Moderation is key.Nuff said.

I want cake now.

Attack of the killer cows..

2008-06-25T07:10:00.005+08:00

*delayed post.
These were the actual cows. Cows are intimidating.Trust me.

It was a really nice day today. Its been pleasantly sunny for the past 3 days and thats considered pretty good for English summers. Despite the sun streaming down its really chilly though! I do feel like a complete idiot walking around in long sleeved tops and a jumper AND a scarf while everyone is prancing about in shorts and tshirts!

We took W's dog out for a walk, a gorgeous Irish setter who thinks shes human.

As we were walking through the fields we found ourselves surrounded by cows. Mind you I had the dog on a leash beside me and we were both nervous and wouldnt budge till W had shooed the cows away. Trust me it was quite a feat to get them to clear out of that part of the field and the moment me and the dog got into the field to cross they started trotting back.. (somewhat inching closer and closer and I felt as if they were close enough to nibble the back of my coat) .. I attempted to 'glamorously' climb over the gate (whilst letting out a squeal!) much to the amusement of W who confirmed the fact that the dog and I shared the same sentiments about the cows. What a day! I enjoyed the walk though and the scenery was reallly picturesque. Managed to snap a few shots along the way. I did realise one thing today: I tend to neglect how beautiful the surroundings are and the things that are easily available when I live somewhere and I keep telling myself to take advantage of things when living someplace (fool!). For example; when we were living in Langkawi, I was dreading work that I didnt appreciate how brilliant the scenery was while driving to work and how cheap EVERYTHING was!

As for now we've been offered the job we have been pining for since February (In the Italian Dolomites!), however due to unforeseen circumstances we will not be accepting this brilliant job. I am kicking myself and thinking whether I am going to regret this.. oh well, such is life. Plans are pretty much up in the air but I have a feeling we'll be based in a little town called Newbury here in England itself, which should be interesting. Its funny though as I am heading towards the big 3-0 I think my family and friends are actually shaking their heads and although my mum hasnt said anything she is probably worried and wondering as to when I intend to settle down and stay put in one place. Sorry mum, that actually wont happen any time soon! I am enjoying my life at the moment as a wanderer, living out of my rucksack, stopping for a couple of months in some random town and then moving on. I find that travelling has really given me 'something' I cant get in any books, uni or school (no offense to anyone)! I feel as if I was born to travel- I am actually quite terrified that a day will come when I feel the need to 'settle'. Till then... a wandering I will go...

disappear reappear.

2008-06-21T23:30:00.003+08:00

Where in the world have I been? Thats kind of how I maintain this blog... I collect all my thoughts, experiences, accidents, mishaps, laughter, tears and when I cant take it any longer I BLOG>> I post quite a number of articles over a couple of days at a given time.
To be honest I havent been doing huge amounts! Random activities, sorting out mundane details for work and living purposes, playing PC games all day (and night long), meeting new people, boozing, smoking copious amount of tobacco, eating and contemplating. Well I have had some interesting conversations, meeting up with some friends which means it hasnt been too bad.. but frustrating... I have never had 5 weeks off.. In fact ever since i was in school, there has never been long periods of time off for me - at the most 2 weeks.. I do realise at times we need to relax and chill but it is actually driving me nuts that I havent been working for almost 2 months. My job only starts on the 9th of July 2008.. so in the mean time... chill.Guess its difficult when I am sooo used to being in a job whereby it takes most of my time and keeps me busy day to night till the weekend and sometimes throughout the weekend. Tomorrow is another day... I guess.

The Sunscreen Song

2008-05-24T21:21:00.003+08:00

Being slightly sluggish from last nights bingefest, we stumbled upon this video this morning.
Does anyone remember this song? ..

"Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen."

Its quite an old song originally written by Mary Scmich as an article entitled: "Advice, like youth is wasted on the young" which was published in the Chicago tribune. She described it as a commencement address she would give if she were asked to give one. The article soon became somewhat an urban legend in which it was alleged to be to be an MIT commencement speech given by author Kurt Vonnegut in that same year. The article was later turned into a song by Luz Luhrmann.

Overplayed and over exposed then. I now think its actually a pretty wicked video.

Oops I did it again...

2008-05-18T20:15:00.004+08:00

I'm at it again, finding another new location to call home for a couple of months..

So I have left the Legendary ('my foot') Islands of Langkawi, stopped over in the Pearl of the Orient (Penang) and spent a week on the sunny shores of the best place in the world also known as the Land Below the Wind.. am currently in the little village of Weymouth, South West England and am down with a cold and a cough (which is usually the case whenever I travel to some place of a different climate-same thing happens when I return to the tropics!).

I have been doing some serious shopping (new laptop -yay! Snort, snort-such a geek!), eating some seriously good food (seafood, cheese .. mmm), serious boozing (cider!) and been running around sorting stuff and I think my body finally decided to shutdown!

The laptop I now own: HP’s tx2000 combines the latest mobile technologies and innovative entertainment features with the convenience of handwriting capture and ultra portability. The next-generation touchscreen is more responsive to your touch and provides a natural handwriting experience. In a sophisticated design featuring the new HP Echo Imprint Finish and a silver keyboard, the tx2000 makes a great impression! Stay connected when traveling, in between classes, while away from the office or wherever your daily life takes you.

Carry it anywhere—weighs about 4.3 lbs*.
Twist the screen 180° to watch DVDs on airplanes** or in other confined spaces
Control media and navigate presentations using the mini remote or your finger.
Jump on the Internet at hotspots using built-in Wi-Fi.***

If you thought high performance could only come from a big desktop PC, think again.

Improve productivity with the power of a desktop that’s ultra portable.
Run multiple applications seamlessly with a speedy, powerful, dual-core processor and advanced graphics card.
Store your large files, music, videos and photos on the high-capacity hard drive.
Enjoy rich graphics on a high-resolution screen.
Cruise the Internet at blazing speeds with a Gigabit-enabled network.

There may be no other PC that’s more “in touch” with what you need than the HP Pavilion tx2000. Simplify your work or entertainment, present marketing slide shows or pictures of your kids, and connect with classmates friends and family.

Touch the screen with your finger to navigate websites, select and control media and use any application.
Fold back the screen and easily surf in tablet mode with the rechargeable eraser pen or the touch of your finger.
Swipe your finger over the optional fingerprint reader to easily access protected data and online accounts. (I thought this was so cool you login by scanning your fingerprints!)
Share your content easily with the touch screen that rotates up to 180˚.
Fold the screen into a tablet to jot down notes that can be converted into typed text.
Store and access your entertainment in QuickPlay – then access it easily at the touch of a button.

I am also loving Windows Vista, I spent hours customising my windows sidebar (you can download gadgets and other geeky apps to the sidebar thats displayed on the desktop!)

sweat. run. gopher.

2008-05-02T13:50:00.002+08:00

That sums up the past couple of days for me. At the moment I am back in my flat chilling for a bit and having a breather. Its hot I'm in the corporate shirt (long sleeved, thick THICK material) and I have produced enough sweat to fill several bath tubs in the past couple of hours! I have also been dashing around getting stuff done, getting stuff done for others and putting up with obnoxious pricks. Countdown is now: 3 1/2 days till I leave the 'wonderful' (note the inverted comas!) island of Langkawi. I will then be in Penang for a day and fly to Kota Kinabalu (the centre of the universe!). I am exhausted as it is now and I cant wait for a well deserved break!

Bring on the alcoholic beverages and my absolute right to wear clothes that reveal my arms and legs!

Tribute to Tobes.

2008-04-24T12:03:00.003+08:00

It has been a year since the death of one of my colleagues/friend. Toby Eaton-Baudains. Decided to pay tribute to someone who died doing something in his life that he was truly passionate about.
His family set up a charity in his name called the Starfish Fund.

As an old man walked along the beach at dawn, he noticed a young man ahead of him picking up starfish and flinging them back into the sea.

Catching up with the youth he asked him why he was doing this. The answer was that the stranded starfish would die if left in the morning sun.

"But the beach goes on for miles and miles and there are millions of starfish. How can your effort make any difference?"

The young man looked at the starfish in this hand and threw it safely into the waves.

"It makes a difference to THAT one". he said

Cruelty is now Art?

2008-04-23T16:23:00.005+08:00

I received an invitation to join this group on Facebook to protest against the work of a really sick man (and I dont mean sick as in ill!). I signed the petition. Hope you will do the same. As disturbing as these pictures are, I am going to post them on my blog just so you can see for yourself the disturbing 'artwork' of an 'artist'. Apparently he has been invited to display his 'masterpiece' this year at 'The Biennial of 2008'. So he plans to go out on the streets and pull some other stray dog for this purpose.

Excerpt:
In 2007, the 'artist' Guillermo Habacuc Vargas, took a dog from the street, he tied him to a rope in an art gallery, starving him to death.

For several days, the 'artist' and the visitors of the exhibition have watched emotionless the shameful 'masterpiece' based on the dog's agony, until eventually he died.

But this is not all ... the prestigious Visual Arts Biennial of the Central American decided that the 'installation' was actually art, so Guillermo Habacuc Vargas has been invited to repeat his cruel action for the biennial of 2008.

Please join and sign the petition to stop Guillermo Vargas from starving a dog to death at the Bienal Centroamericana Honduras 2008, as he did in 2007.

CLICK HERE to sign the petition!

the rant is over.

2008-04-16T11:08:00.003+08:00

"Life belongs to the living, and he who lives must be prepared for change"
~Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe~

I love change (not the dime and nickel variety..). I love the anticipation of something new. I have to admit although I thrive in the idea of having changes in my life every once in awhile.. I occasionally find it hard to adapt-sounds really silly coming from someone who supposedly loves change. I love looking forward to something new and as of 6th of May I am leaving the 99 historical/magical/wonderful (*groan*) Islands of Langkawi! Mind you if you're here on holiday its fine-not more than 3 days: TRUST ME! I finally bought my ticket(s) out of here and up to the point I head to the UK, I have yet to decide my where I am going and what I will be doing!

6th May Langkawi-Penang (Firefly Airlines)
7th May Penang-Kota Kinabalu (Air Asia)
13th May Kota Kinabalu - Brunei - London -? (Royal Brunei Air)

I'll leave you with a couple of quotes I quite like:

If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living.
~Gail Sheehy~

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.
~Arnold Bennett~

I read something today..

2008-04-16T10:28:00.003+08:00

As ridiculous/cliche/waste of space as most posts are on a facebook wall/superwall/funwall excerpts such as the one below made my day.
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!

Ebony and Ivory

2008-04-13T11:56:00.002+08:00

I re-read some of my blog posts and decided to re-post this: (I think anyone who reads my blog knows my take on racism!)
Originally posted on: 8th of May 2006
A scene also took place on a BA (British Airway) flight between Johannesburg and London. A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess."Madam, what is the matter?" the hostess asked. "You obviously do not see it than?" She responded. "You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat." "Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available." The hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the economy class. I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is one seat in the business class. All the same, we also have one seat in the first class." Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued:"It is unusual for our company to permit someone from the economy class to sit in the first class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting." She then turned to the black guy, and said, "Therefore, sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in first class." At the moment, the other passengers who where shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.

Nuff Said.

Blogging down memory lane..

2008-04-13T10:29:00.003+08:00

I was hopping from one blog to another this morning, reading random articles. I then decided to go through archives for each blog and found blogs that have been around for over 5 years which actually intrigued me. My blog being one of them as its been around since 2004. Its amazing how different a person is and how they have changed over the years and I found that you can tell just through the articles they write what has changed over 5 years, be it their lifestyle, the way they think or their ambitions. One regular blogger I know had written an article: 'Five-Year Plan' (about 5 years ago-helps that I actually know this blogger!) and from what he/she wanted 4/5 years ago and where he/she is and what he/she wants now is completely different. Another blogger on the other hand had such a boring routine in his/her life ..and every year the activities were the same, would talk about the same people, and is still in the same job.. Yes people like this do exist. (I am not judging anyone! ok?) Its just : when I look through my blog and all the random posts, places I've been to and people I've met I realised how much I've learnt and I think in some ways that's the way of living/experiencing life and I would recommend it to everyone.

I actually admire people who can endure the whole routine schmig and have a 5 year plan and is secure in all aspects of life. I personally despise routine and would rather poke my eye out rather than live a predictable life. Well similarly there are people out there who love the security of having a routine and these people would cringe at the thought of living my life! At the end of the day Its a personal choice, as long as you're happy no one can tell you otherwise. Its been quite an insightful day, I know we should always keep the past in the past and not dwell on things, but its through experiences in the past that moulds us into who we are today and at times makes us understand things/situation/a person a little bit better.

My observations: I read my old blog posts for the month of April in:
2005 - I was in China, was travelling quite a bit and was restless. Felt so alone.
2006 - I was going through major changes in my life and spent my days fuming and during this time,
my friends thought I had changed not for the worse but for the better. I was opinionated and
spent quite a bit of time blogging and wanted to change the world hence decided to jump
into the unknown and work for Raleigh. Felt pretty much alone.
2007- I was involved in a major crash and was recuperating, a couple of weeks later a colleague
died in a separate crash. It was a really emotional time for me as well as the people who
were around me then. Was helping out with colleagues and participants who were trying to
handle post-traumatic stress and at the same time trying to recuperate myself. Felt
completely alone.
2008- Feeling restless again after only being in this company 3 months. Which is why I am
packing up and leaving! I dont feel 100% healthy but I dont feel alone.

DO you see the similarities and the changes?
April, has been for me, a month of change and uncertainty for the past 4 years! (Funny how April is also the beginning of Spring in some countries!)
Month of April: what I learnt? Change is essential in my life. You can only depend on you and you alone.

I read a blog post dedicated to me a couple of years ago and I recall how much pain I was in then (triggered emotions..)
Thanks M; excerpt from that post:
"I promise you will feel better but not so soon. And you deserve your time to grieve the relationship. Cry it out, drink it off…whatever it takes. But a time will come when you realize no one is worth ‘mutilating’ your life away. In the meantime, we’re here for you. And yes, I’ll sing Copacabana to death if it makes you happy. Cuz I love you like that."

I also laughed when I recalled this being said (think sesame street, blogger was super duper frustrated then!):
"Today's happy emotion was brought to you by the letter F and number 2. Tune in for upcoming episodes featuring the letters U,C and K."

better days

2008-04-10T15:46:00.005+08:00

For better days. This song's for you. Chin up .You've heard this saying before but its true:
"This too shall pass.."
"Better Days" by Goo Goo Dolls
And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I need someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child who saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

....also stumbled upon another blogger. an excerpt from his/her blog:

"I'm trying hard to make sense of what life has given me.

A gift buried deep under clouds of dust.

I whisper to the light that comes from down under

Tell me o light! Where this road will take me.

The light does not answer

Only glows — a glow sustained,

Powerful, that reaches me from under the clouds of darkness

I can feel it light my soul.

I don't ask fate what's in store anymore

I have found the answer in what I see"

real time.

2008-04-07T15:08:00.004+08:00

*this post was written over 2 days (6th & 7th April 2008)

Its the 6th of April 2008, 10:50am on a Sunday morning and I'm sitting in the office, slightly nervous, slightly anxious anticipating the response we will both get once we hand in our resignation. (Explanation: I am currently living in a muslim state where Sundays are regarded as the first day of the week so Sunday here is Monday to the rest of the world!)
Of all the days today had to be the day where none of the relevant people are around, the Centre manager who I report to decided to leave, just as I walked in the office, the HR manager is out of the office for a a staff selection day and the Senior Manager is in Australia as an outdoor instructor as part of a staff exchange this year. I just want to get this over and done with, I think I've never actually submitted a formal resignation letter for any company, it was usually an
understanding between parties when I left. I have always left on good terms though and I have always been given an option to stay with an increase in pay and other additional benefits. I intend to leave on good terms from this place here although I am also half tempted to shove it in their face and lash out and tell them what I really think of this place-but I wont.
At the same time am also thinking of a million other issues to deal with once we have submitted our resignation. My mind is constantly working these days

...PAUSE...

Right the Centre Manager has just replied my email and said he would be back soon..
Sudden sweaty palms as I am decide what to say... I know with resigning there is need to explain why you're leaving but with this company they want explanations for everything and in all fairness the Centre Manager and the Senior Manager have been really nice to me. I will be diplomatic and I will be straightforward at the same time.

... I have spent the whole day waiting to speak to the Centre Manager and just as I entered..the owners of the company walked in ... so I had to postpone my entire bloody speech again...

Its 4:15 pm - I give up I am going to go speak to the HR Manager, who has just walked in...
She was shocked, speechless and disappointed at the same time. She asked how they could negotiate and what would make me stay-thing is nothing would make me stay not a ton of cash or a new office overlooking the islands.. (thats a lie maybe if it was like a 20k pay rise I would!).
oh well at least I've done it: I QUIT!

the grass is green.

2008-04-02T16:58:00.002+08:00

*another delayed post. Actual date of post 20th March 2008

And so I am back in the 'so-called' paradise: Langkawi. The longer I stay with this outdoor company the more I despise this place. Its a pity as it is actually a beautiful little island but its turned into such a gloomy place for me. Thinking I would be rejuvenated from my time away, I came back with an open mind only to realise that the flight back here depicted the very feelings
I had for the place. It was a BAD flight. When people and any items on board get jolted and bounce off their seats while lightening flashes beside them through the windows-I'd say it qualifies as a bad flight. You could see the flight attendants slightly panicky themselves which didnt really help. I would have come back to haunt the bloomin island if I did crash and burn on that flight.. the Legend of 7 generations and all that bollocks about Langkawi being cursed.. It will then have Mia haunting it as part of the next set of curses! When you think things cant get any worse - they do. We had a management meeting when I got back and it was to discuss the possibility of a temporary closure amongst other issues with the company. I felt like yelling "I can tell you honeys right now why we're having these problem!" but I bit my tongue and decided against it. SO i decided to be helpful and use previous experience in work to suggest solutions only to have one of the aussies respond sarcastically, I couldnt bite my tongue any longer and out came my sarcasm at a management meeting! I knew I would still have my job being one of the managers but heck what about the rest of the staff did they ever think of the other 90 odd
staff? There has only been one other time I resigned in a huff from a company but even that I left on good terms but the issues that made me resign pained me. It was injustice to someone in the company. Nothing racist but just unfair. There are times when we are required to close one eye, after all life is never fair but there is a fine line between being unfair and being a complete jerk, and at that point in time the management had crossed that line. In my previous company; a staff member was at work when she received a call saying that her father had been admitted to the hospital, she rang up this specific superior and said she needed to leave work early to see her father and was told she couldnt. Ignoring her superior she shot off to the hospital to get there in time to see her father before he died. Rather sad story as she had no one left in her life, her mother left when she was young, her brother had died and she had no other family members. What did her superior decide to do? She decided to add to the poor girls misery and sack/fire/terminate/end her contract with the company and what made it even more appalling: this particular superior got one of her other staff members to do her dirty work. The girl received the news the very next day in the form of a letter. After working there I then got into Raleigh - needless to say Raleigh was brilliant. Being optimistic I hope luck is on my
side and it happens again. SO far I have applied for a position in Laos, China and the Pyrenees in Spain. I have applied for a couple of other jobs but need to get into serious jobhunting mode soon so I have more than a couple of jobs lined up for when I resign. I cant stand this place. I HATE RACISM (refer to previous post on racism). Its time to go.

The grass might not be greener on the other side, but I'm currently standing in a burnt paddy field, even grass doesnt grow here.

Older=Wiser=More emotional?

2008-04-02T16:39:00.003+08:00

*another delayed post. actual date of post 8th March 2008

My parents were in Langkawi for a visit over the weekend. It was really nice to have them around especially when you lack a social scene, miserable with your job and 95% of the time you're bored. In fact, even if I was happy in Langkawi its always nice to have them around, I remember when I was working in KL and my mum had a stop over for 2 days before heading to OZ, I remember how excited I was to see her as I hadnt seen her in almost a year then! I do realise how you appreciate the people around you, your family and everything else in life as you age. The emotional intensity and connection you have with your parents seem to have increased as well. I was so miserable when I said goodbye to my parents at the airport yesterday I nearly cried. I can see it in my parents too and how they are more expressive of their emotions to me. As a kid you always wanted your own independence and your mum and dad embarassed you half the time and got in the way of things (so you thought!) I think my dad was so concerned of how miserable I was that he offered to take me and Will in and to just chill with them till we got another job! Now that I am almost 30, there are times when things arent peachy keen in life and when I wish I could just run home and seek comfort from my parents. I know if the shit hits the fan I could do so but I feel as if it would be unfair to them after 28 years and still running to mummy and daddy when things didnt go the way I had planned. I do know this much they will then feel obliged to take me in and do whatever to reassure me. I would feel real bad especially these days, my parents are travelling alot more than I am and spend weeks and months in different countries. I know for a fact in the next year- they'll be heading to SOuth America, Alaska and the Mediterranean and the last thing they need is for their daughter to come knocking on their door asking for a place to stay and mope about! I was seriously thinking of packing and doing just that till I get another job elsewhere, but am planning to stick it out and earn some money(even though I detest this place!) whilst looking for a job. This week is going to be rather miserable & lonely - I am actually completely alone in Langkawi.. Will is out on course, the few colleagues who I do get on with are all out on course as well, the centre is empty other than a couple of bodies who are there in case of any emergencies (including myself). I guarantee that I will actually go slightly stir crazy this week.. but I do have somethings in mind. Today I'm planning to cook a nice steak dinner (for 1-sad!), going to get a couple of beers and watch telly. I am also planning to find a bloody bookstore (books dont seem to exist here!) and go to Legenda park everyday after work for a run. Other than that life will revolve around going to work and coming back to a quiet apartment! The only thing great I'm also doing photography work this week and get to go out with some of the groups as I need pictures to redesign the website and need some pics.

of milipedes & giant squid

2008-04-02T16:29:00.003+08:00

*delayed post. Original date of post 6th March 2008

I was sitting in my office early this morning and I suddenly felt something tickling my neck .. I automatically touched the spot and felt something foreign there which was definitely not part of my body or my shirt.. indeed with a gazillion legs - it was a Milipede! I havent a clue as to how he managed to get to that part of my body without me actually realising it-cheeky git! But it left me with goosebumps, I'm generally not afraid of creepy crawlies particularly from living in some of parts of the jungle during previous expeditions where your bedtime buddies included everyone from Tom, Tick and Leech! Now I am slightly paranoid and feel as if there are a dozen of them on my head and in my shirt.. I recall something bizarre that happened to me a couple of years ago (ok maybe 5 years ago-I sound so old) when I was working behind the bar- a documentary was on in that pub and I was watching it alongside a couple of other co-workers. The documentary was about some giant squid, something about the whole scene was just disturbing, I felt my goosebumps rise and I ended up in rashes! It was so bad that I had to head back home because the rashes started spreading! Anyways counting the hours now.. I was so miserable at the thought of spending yet another weekend in this place but the sudden turn of events is seeing my mum and dad come visit and as todays my mums birthday we're out to paint the town red.. NOT!

The Goldfish Bowl

2008-02-20T18:49:00.002+08:00

I have had so much time to think. Its unbelievable. Read previous post, for proof. I have never spent so much time debating/talking to myself about issues etc and all the thinking takes place in Mias little world in her own private office. My predecessor nicknamed my office the 'goldfish bowl'. Now I know why-I'm like a goldfish I sit in this room with its huge window overlooking the rest of the staff in the office, most times I'm looking out and not moving much in my 'bowl' whereas theres more action outside the bowl but being a 'fish' I cant do what the rest are doing
and I have to stay in my 'bowl'.. I did venture out of the 'bowl' the other day I craved human contact, a conversation of some sort with ANYONE other than communicating via my PC.. So I sat in G's office, G is an interesting character, he's Australian and he has done some bizarre things in his life and from being in the outdoor industry he's off to teach English in Japan (I cant believe he's been in Langkawi for 5 1/2 years!-HOW can anyone stand to be here for so long?) He is the first Aussie I know whos not thrilled about going home.. After chatting away for about an hour I got back into my 'bowl' and felt slightly energised. I really needed that conversation!

Its not such a bad office (I am referring to physical space-the work and the environment is a different story all together!) The items in my office include a huge whiteboard with 5 different coloured markers. I have this urge to scribble and design my own masterpiece on it! I also have a huge pin board and about a gazillion colourful tacks/pins. I have a massive desk with both my PC and my lap top running at the same time. I have a filing cabinet, a small side table and a long side table. My office is empty at the moment I only have my Raleigh International calendar sitting on my desk and a poster with a quote that reminds me of my ex-colleague who passed on last year (the starfish story). I dont understand it myself, you would think I would be eager to spruce this place up a bit. I do have pictures I want to put up but I have been contemplating whether I should leave this job to find another .. I've been here for a month and I still havent gotten the buzz I get when I work.. So far in all my previous jobs I've felt 'the BUZZ'..I am also very accustomed to having a hundred & one things to do all at the same time & its slightly different here. Hmm..should I go with my gut instinct or my common sense in this situation? Gut instinct is telling me to bail.. common sense is telling me to stick it out and earn a decent wage to support my travels. The last time I used my common sense it landed me this job-so you get the picture! Its going to be March soon anyways it is starting to speed up. I just want the second half of the year to get here as I want to travel..

I will be off for a business trip this Sunday to Kuala Lumpur, which isnt too bad I get to meet old friends with whom I can have decent conversations with over an alcoholic beverage without being judged. Yay. I am jealous though W gets to go back to Sabah to sort out his visa-I'd rather be back there.. W said one thing though today : he feels as if he's going home. LOL for someone whos been travelling and spending only a couple of months in a country-I think he's starting to understand the appeal of Sabah.. its home, theres is no place like Sabah.

Another summer day has come and gone away in Paris and rome ..
I wanna go home.
Maybe surrounded by a million people but I feel all alone.
I just wanna come home.
~Michael Buble~

What are your thoughts?

2008-02-18T13:10:00.010+08:00

*Please be warned that the following content may be sensitive to some readers. Article is based on speculation and discussions and not all are based on facts (though some are!). If you think any of the following subjects might offend you I suggest you look elsewhere for your reading material today. TQ!

TO judge or be judged..
1) One Night Stands.
2) Dating someone much younger/older.
3) Abortions.
4) Racism.
5) Interracial relationships.
6) Looks is everything dahling..
7) Falling in love with someone else despite being in a relationship.

I've had discussions regarding the topics above with random people online and face to face be it in a bar or over coffee in the past couple of weeks. Random topics that just make you go "hmm..." its amazing how I end up having conversations with people regarding such topics these days especially when as of recently I have started my conversations with "..yeah and the booze in langkawi is like so cheap..." *or some other totally blonde remark/statement/question* I am losing my social skills already!

One Night Stands
Acceptable or not? Premarital sex is supposedly a huge no-no. But who are we kidding my guess is that 95% of the single society out there is actually copulating at this very minute.. well ok thats an exaggeration but what I am getting at is unless you're living in the past or under a rock, you are probably well aware of the sexual situations in this day and age. Telly is hugely responsible for the subtle marketing of pre-marital sex-think about it. So if pre-marital sex is 'quietly observed' who are we to judge people of their preference. Someone said to me that they dont 'do one night stands' its not in 'their nature', but has no qualms whatsoever sleeping with the same person for a week and then moving on to another thefollowing week! If you ask me one night stands or the other; they're both exactly the same however there are chances of emotional confusion. If your little rumble & tumble in bed goes beyond a week, as much as people say they wont get emotionally attached and that its just sex, there is something about this act that connects people and subconciously emotions develop. It is a pity though it use to be such a pure act and something special. Now even sex like valentines day is simply overrated.

Dating someone younger/older.
Who hasnt cringed at the sight of a 50 year old geezer with a 20 year old lass. Yet we've all heard of the saying "age being just a number"...W was telling me about his time working behind the bar up North of England in a tiny town and how he knows of an extremely loving couple: get this he was 68 she was about 22. My immediate response was: "He's old enough to be her grandfather!". W then launched into how age was just a number and said how they were such a pleasant couple and everyone got on with them and what really mattered: they were happy. True.. if they're happy who are we to judge? Recently I realised the female friends & acquaintenances around me have started dating younger men REason: "Mia..The good guys our age have either been snapped up by other girls and are now married or they're jerks" Fair enough. To each his own. For women, society still frowns upon them for dating a younger man as in keeping with the tradition from 7 generations ago a woman should date an older man who will'supposedly' take care of them. Trust me though whichever side of the equation you are at, If you're a woman you cant win if you're dating a younger man, better much older than younger. If you're a man you cant win if you're dating an older woman, better much younger than older! Seriously the world is changing our minds should change with it, an older man is 'supposedly' your caretaker? Bulls*it! Noone can truly take care of you but yourself.

Abortions This was an interesting topic as most people would think they're being ethical in saying "I'm against the idea of an abortion" Only to have someone state facts that you've never heard before and when you look at it from a different angle. It really makes you wonder.. In most countries, abortions are illegal. Should it be? If women have the option of having an abortion, wouldnt there be less cases of abandoned babies? reduced death through illegal abortions?less severe mental/emotionally distraught persons? I'm not saying that they should advertise it on billboards shouting out lines such as "DOnt want your baby call 1800-abort for a solution!" Its just so people have the option of a safer solution. Theres a debate with the whole "what validates as an excuse to have an abortion". Mothers life is in jeopardy, baby is suffering from a disease/disability, rape victims. But what about the other issues? One I've heard of: Couples going through a divorce, wife finds out shes pregnant and the general other reasons why people have an abortion 15 year old pregnancy, a one night stand that went horribly wrong or a couple whoarent financially stable. ML and I were saying is it fair to bring a baby into the world under circurmstances as such? If people had the option of an abortion they could avoid further problems and the poor baby wouldnt have to suffer. Its a tough call. Who are we to say what is right and what is wrong in this situation?

Racism
Right I have always had a huge problem with racism. This issue has always been a rather sensitive topic for me. Having grown up in the UK I encountered racism quite a bit directly,indirectly, severe and mild. We are all racists at heart, I wont say I have never laughed at a racist joke because I have. However I have NEVER verbally/physically attacked someone with a racist comment and I would never think of doing so. Despite having opportunities to do so whilst defending myself in a racial joust-I Havent..what makes me any better than them where I should need to attack and aggravate them in return. So its not about me not standing my ground its just not having to stoop down to their level. I might bitch and whine to willing parties about the whole incident after its happened but I then just brush it off. I remember being 7 my best friend in the whole world was German/English, her name was Georgia. One fine day I waited a whole hour for her after school and she never showed so I decided to walk to her house (it was about 5 minutes from school!), her mum answered the door and for me being a scrawny 7 year old, the woman at the door was huge! As she looked down at me her nose wrinkled as if I was some strange species with a disease,with her weird thick unpleasant accent in halting English (unlike the cockney accent I had) she told me her daughter was never to speak or see me ever again. She was nasty she then closed the door in my face before I could even say anything. That 7 year old Mia ran home in tears that day, she couldnt even speak to explain herself to her mum as she was sobbing unendlessly. Mum was clearly more upset about the situation then I was, she had a 'word' with the beast of a woman. I never knew what she said.Knowing mum, it was probably a rather smart and sharp remark leaving beast woman speechless. I never spoke to Georgia after that incident as she being the obedient child avoided me and I did the same. You could see we were both really sad and being 7 we never really understood why this was happening..that was the sad thing about the whole situation-we didnt understand. My last memory of Georgia was us at sports day we reach the finish line together, we both toppled over in our sacks (it was a sack race-duh!) and we both smiled at each other... Situations hasnt exactly improved 22 years later I'm no longer the 7 year old running home to mum in tears yet I am still having the same problems. Being judged because of my race, nationality. For the past 7 years after graduating I have been working for random British/Aussie/Malaysian companies. My previous job had the least issues with racism, racism. It was there dont get me wrong and I can feel it at times but it was more of ignorance and they did they made a conscious effort after awhile. My boss was very observant and took into account of how I felt as most people dont even realise they're being racist half the time. The current workplace I am in is pretty crap. There is huge divide and its actually slowly killing me. Theres a divide with expats and malaysians then theres a divide between non-malays and malays and then theres a divide between muslims and non-muslims and then theres a divide between West Malaysians and East Malaysians. I fall in to the worst category possible and I can see where problems might arise. I am half&half (I have the benefits of the expats as well as a Malaysian), being that I grew up in the UK etc etc and then I'm non-malay, non-muslim and East Malaysian. One person actually made a comment saying there are "too many etnic groups in Sabah" -WHATS that supposed to mean? I cant possibly stay in company that has me fuming 90% of the time. F**K racism.

Interracial Relationships
After my rant on racism I'm pretty sure you understand my thoughts on the whole issue. Interracial dating is probably one of the worst ways of getting slammed down even more: Dating a caucasian guy is not easy! You should see the dirty looks we get when we're walking hand in hand in public - sad fact I am actually keeping track and I know which nationality, race and religion has given us the most shit. After the 'racist tainted' childhood I had you would think I'd keep to the safer side of life and avoid the avoid emotional turmoil. Thing is life doesnt work that way, if you are meant to be with that person, it happens! Regardless of race, nationality or religion. You dont really choose your partners-well you do in some ways but it shouldnt be based on the colour of the persons skin. I think I have dated numerous colours of the rainbow at this point. However with dating a different race be prepared to be judged even before they know you.
I am well aware of the fact that people assume the following with me:
1) He's dating an asian girl, she probably speaks so little English,he can get away with murder. (I
SPEAK THE LANGUAGE!)
2) Asian girls always say YES to their men. They will pamper and ask for nothing in return. (YEAH
RIGHT!)
3) Shes in it for the money.(I HAVE MY OWN THANKYOUVERYMUCH)
4) Shes a pretty play thing and then he goes back to his country of origin and COMES TO HIS
SENSES and settles with a normal girl (WHAT COUNTS AS NORMAL? Its quite sad to think that
normal=any girl as long as she is from the same country/race/religion!)
The list could go on but these are the first things that people assume when they see us. Some have actually mentioned it. I make a huge effort to:
1) Speak with an unbelievably thick accent at times (the queens english!) and using outstanding
vocab just to prove I speak English - most times to take the piss.
2) To prove that I am not in it for the money- I would show them I'm paying. But I give up on # this as
waiters/waitresses always walk right pass me and hands him the bill and even if I did pay they
think "ah... so she holds on to his money"
I remember a conversation I had with a female caucasian friend, mind you I was at the table with my other half..and she said that it was very difficult being caucasian and being in Asia as the caucasian men who are in Asia are only after Asian girls. She really made it sound as if it were some novelty for the men. Needless to say both myself and my other half were offended. Me being very sarcastic launched into the whole "well if Western women would take of themselves physically and of their men the way Asian women do they wouldnt have that problem now would they". Mind you it was uncalled for - but it ticks me off as I have to face this all the time and I just wish people would open up their minds a little. (Thats a proven fact though: Asian women invest ridiculous amount of time,energy and money in appearance and health.. you will never find a European country that has an entire centre dedicated to spas, beauty products-they have malls and shopping complexes dedicated to beauty crap in this region)

Looks are everything dahling..
Which brings me on to the next topic. Looks/appearance/beauty/physique what ever you want to call it. Who are we kidding? It is important to dress nicely and look stunning 90% of the time. In Asia the pressure to be thin, pretty etc is unbelieveble you have 9 year olds who worry about their weight and clothes these days. When I was 9 my only worry was whether my sticker collection was kept in tip top shape! I used to be "who cares what I look like-I'm a good person that should be more than sufficient to get me through" I was wrong. Took me a couple of years in 2 completely different work environments and a relationship with Mr. Shallow to realise the importance of looking good. With my stint at The Body Shop, they were quite upfront about the whole employing good looking employees particularly those who were serving in the retail outlets. Me being the Marketing Manager, it was equally as important to look good. My first couple of days in my new job and I was having facials and a makeovers. They taught me how to apply make-up properly and the proper techniques in looking after your skin etc.. I did get to the point where I got sick of having to have a different outfit everyday and looking groomed 100% of the time, plus I was having issues with my weight as all I did was attend functions and events and since I'm kept busy the whole day I binged at night. After 3 years with The Body Shop I called it quits not so much for the vanity reasons but ethical reasons and moved on to Raleigh. I rocked up first day on the job in a pair of jeans a nice shirt, with perfectly groomed nails, face and hair. I stuck out like a sore thumb! Everyone in the office was in cargo shorts, a strappy top or a stained tshirt! I enjoyed not having to dress to work and be perfect everyday.Rolling out of bed and getting to the meeting on time was more important then matching your top with your shoes. When I started living where I worked, I became worse I would literally roll out of bed and go to work (dont be grossed out just yet, after the morning meeting I'd have a shower and throw on a clean (stained) shirt) It got worse when I was out on project for 7 weeks with only a couple of pairs of shorts and tshirts, no running water, no mirrors and no laundry services. You do feel the need to dress up after being away from it for so long..I remember walking into town in my stained, slightly ripped shirt and scruffy shorts and my hair in complete disarray. People were actually giving me funny looks, I caught my reflection in the shop window and lo and behold the girl who once had to look groomed looked like a flippin beggar. Its amazing though I did dress the part for that particular job and I enjoyed it. But even in such a position you would still need to consider your appearance! At the start of my stint with raleigh I was similar to a baby hippo (in size) and I lost a relationship and one of the reasons was because "I didnt really care about myself and how I looked" (quoting him.. this among other reasons). A year later I had lost 10kgs and got myself confidence back. As shallow as he is, he taught me an important lesson-no one wants to look like a blimp(thats for their own self confidence), as much as your partner loves you it does get a bit dull when you see the person in the same outfit over and over again. It is a fact that Asians are vain and having to look good has been instilled in them since they were toddlers. Particularly the women... traditional values do pay off though. Reasons as to why a majority of caucasian men marry asian women. The women take care of themselves and their men, Asian women no matter how westernised she is will still have her traditional values. Family life and keeping herself pretty are the priorities in life, even if she has the most successful career and is rolling in millions...Did you know that Asian countries have more beauty salons and spas then any other continent in the world? I never realised this but as I was walking in Lintas in KK with my brit colleague she pointed out that at every row of shop lots there was at least one beauty salon-thats in small city in a small neighbourhood in KK think big cities like Singapore and Bangkok! If looks could kill, Kill me first as I'm back in the job where appearance matters!

Falling in love with someone else despite being in a relationship.
"Ooh.. its gotta hurt but at times cannot be avoided"-so says someone I know. Falling in love is never planned. Dates are planned so the person has opportunities of falling in love. Love: it can be induced and you can influence a person to love... but trust me love is never planned. Most couples meet through work. Why? Coz you spend most of your time at work, you hardly spend time at home or anywhere else for that matters. IF the job is intense and you spend huge amounts of time in each others pockets you will either hate the person or love them. I have had so many friends who have lost out in a relationship to another person at work etc. I have had friends who have fallen for another despite being in a relationship. You can try to work things out with the one you're with but in actual fact if the feelings are so strong who are you to contain them? In fact Love is similar to gambling at times it is luck. You cant put a gun to someones head and make them love you and no amount of money can buy you love. I have never actually been in a situation where I was dumped for another coz he loved another, neither have I loved someone else whilst I was in a relationship but I have been in a situation where I was confused and loved 2 people. Which is similar to loving someone else when you have someone beside you..you choose the one you have stronger feelings for.

How would you tackle this situation would you love the one you're with or love the one you love?

regrets?..

2008-02-16T17:58:00.002+08:00

I am such a strong believer of doing things in life and having no regrets and so far I've had none. My friends and family dont believe me when I say this but its true! Even at times when I feel as if I've made the biggest mistake of my life.. I wait a couple of days (occasionally months) and realise I was meant to make that stupid god-forsaken mistake to get where I am today. But recently.. I did something and it had me debating with myself (I do that often these days blaming it on my current situation as to where I am) : I actually wonder whether this would be the one thing in my life that I would actually regret. We'll see..am giving this one a couple of years to sink in... will keep you posted I might come to my senses alot earlier.

Weigh out the positives ..

2008-02-16T17:50:00.003+08:00

Right I was super-duper keen to leave my previous job and move on. So now I’m on the sunny shores of Langkawi a group of 99 islands just South of the Thailand border. Sounds like paradise? Yes it is….. BUT, having to live here for a year- I am starting to have my doubts. So I decided to pump in a bit of positive-ness into me brain and think of all the positive and the negatives.

Pros

- It is Paradise Island, really beautiful and is suited for people who enjoy a laid back lifestyle

and the outdoors.
- Its just a short boat, ferry, plane ride away from great places in Thailand and West Malaysia.
- I secured a challenging job here on this Island.
- Duty free alcohol, chocolates, fags and cost of living is way cheaper than most places.
- If I stay a year at this job I can save shitload of cash and that would keep me going and allow

me to travel further.
- This job will look brilliant on my CV/resume.

Cons
- It may be paradise island but the people aren’t the friendliest and are some of the most

close minded people I have ever met. Judging me by my religion, race and what I wear.
- The job is challenging, if its just the tasks, that’s fine, the other issues include really heavy

office politics, a clear divide between foreigners and locals and other stupid challenges

which aren’t necessary.
- All the booze and the chocolates in the world is useless if you don’t have good friends to

share them with.
- I might die of boredom/lack of a social life if I stay a year. The great social skills I currently

possess will be useless and I wont be able to converse like a normal human being after my

stint here. Thank God I’m not completely alone, Will is around, though he'll be out most times

on course or training the staff...

Right that’s just me being super-duper negative … I could do with a huge dose of optimism at the moment but I guess that boils down to how I’m going to motivate myself throughout the year. If its anything like my time on Raleigh I sure hope the year whizzes through coz I need the dosh! Cant help but look through other jobs available in the market in some other places though…

DO you know what you want?

2008-02-04T20:42:00.001+08:00

*Pic by Mike Mclean - brilliant Aussie artist

Once in awhile its great to daydream, It doesnt have to be realistic! And actually if you think about it,your little fantasies project what you really want in real life.(ie winning the lottery: in reality you just wanna be financiallystable!)
For someone who never made plans. I actually know what I want. Right now: I wish I had enough money to cover my travelling expenses for the next couple of months without having to worry... to be honest if I hadnt spent it all on renting the flat and everything else I probably could have survived asia and maybe get myself over to NZ. I mean working for a charity you were paid peanuts which was one ofthe reasons why I decided to take this job in the first place to save more money so I could go further. I would have also happilylive the backpackers life and taken random jobs in random places and made little bits of money here and there as wellas making money online. Its the travelling bug, its bitten me and its in my system and I cant seem to shake it off. If I did win the lottery I would be extremely happy I would actually quit my job.. yes as ridiculous as it sounds I would Ihave a stronger urge to explore than anything else...

Conversations with her..

2008-02-04T20:30:00.000+08:00

Now I know why I dont make plans. I usually am disappointed when things dont work out the way I planned it to OR it works out but its not what you expect... the situation I am in now is all due planning (I blame iton me coming up with the whole idea of even having a plan). I know complete bullshit everyone needs a plan once in awhile, nothing set in stone but at least a guideline. However, I'm not the happiest or the most positive bunny on the planet at the moment but to hell with that.. I am entitled to have one of those days. The funny thing is prior to moving here I actually had an inkling, and something was telling me it wasnt the best plan I ever had and I wouldnt be as enthusiastic as how I had been previously when I shifted somewhere new and started a new job. I ignored my conscience and my instincts and because of that I'm grumpy and I'm actually counting the days till I can get out of here!
I spoke to M the other day. I knew she had some plans of moving to KL but I wasnt too sure when and how. I later found out, that she had changed her mind and all the plans she had initially, had made her realise other issues. I always believe that everything falls into place when you're not too busy planning. At times you do need to simplythrow all plans out the window and lose yourself in your own thoughts. So You do it for a reason. The reason may be a bit unclearat that moment. I know people who hate that phrase "everything happens for a reason".. very cliche but unfortunately its true- things DO happen for a reason. Between M who was unclear of her plans and me who was super-duper clear of mine, she does seemto be happier (I could be wrong). Anyway M, trust me things will work out for you, one way or another. As for me, beam me up scotty beam me anywhere, anywhere but here... I'm just wandering, my purpose on paradise now..

Just cant help myself. I really really wish I could be somewhere else than here..Somewhere else ~Razorlight~

Rants and Raves of my new home for now..

2008-02-04T20:27:00.000+08:00

Langkawi: 99 ISlands in the sun. UNESCO Geopark. Located South of Thailand, North of Penang Island. I am slightly nervous and excited at the same time. I have heard many horror stories about the place. People have said that its not the best place if you're thinking of staying on a long term basis. If I accept the job, the contract will be for a year! Brilliant place for a holiday no doubt about it, there are huge amounts to do here and some nice beaches to bum around on. I have been here for about 2 weeks now. Found a nice flat and sorted it out, the windows allows lots of sunlight and air in (very breezy) compared to most flats/condos, as we managed to secure a corner lot. After two weeks of trying to find my way around the island, pretty confident of my directions now (after all it only has 80KM of roads!). Drove around the entire Island in about 3 hours,found some nice cafes, not huge amount of bars in my area (town area near my flat).. the bars are mainly along one beach which is about a half an hours drive from where I live, its quite a drive (brilliant scenery) but a little too far, Taxis are a nightmare as they only operate at certain hours and arent willing to drive from the beach area into town past midnight. The plus side of things:its a duty free island, food, alcohol, fags are cheap here. Ironically: I am now working for non-smoking organisation, I only learned about the non-smoking policy after I signed my probation contract as it was not stated in the contract. So if I want to fag I need to sneak around (impossible in the office and the compound we're in) and as one of the managers it isnt the best to do so as we are supposed to report other offenders! So I rush out during lunch and have lunch at home most of the time and have my nicotine fix there. I know I should quit fagging but somehow my creative juices dont flow as well (excuses..)I have cut down tremendously though .. so slowly but surely.. The first week of work was mainly me planning and putting together a proposal for the company, trekking from one side of Tuba Island (one of our project sites) to the other, designing a poster which needed to be printed the same day and sent to KL!*sigh*... we enjoyed a long bank holiday weekend on my first week on the job, most people leave the island during the weekends as Thailand is only an hour away and its relatively easy to travel to any part of West Malaysia and Thailand...Being that this is a Muslim state, my new "monday" is now Sunday and weekends are friday and saturday. We spent Thursday night on a colleagues catamaran (translation: nice big boat) watching the sunset and chugging a couple of well deserved beers, the following day on friday night, myself and Will decided to check out the night scene and ended up in a British Bar called "Offshore" with some Canadians.The bar is owned by a Brit, Peter.His staff are a right mix, an Irish lass, a Thai guy and a chinese guy. Spent the night drinking and singing karaoke with a scottish prick(dont ask!). The rest of the weekend was spent chilling and sorting out the new apartment as we're expecting visitors already (in fact we'll have a guest or 2 every month!).So far II'd have to say I'm still a little hesitant and unsure of this place. I miss KK. I miss being able to wear whatever I want without being gawked at. I miss the local watering hole, where everybody knows you by name. I miss the friendly people in Sabah. BUT I must give this place a chance. Its all supposed to be part of the adventure .. right?? *gulp*

Happy New Year from Crabby, Krabi..SawadeeKa...

2008-02-04T20:23:00.000+08:00

Plans plans plans...It was a such a whirlwind of a time as I was leaving KK. I had to pack my stuff from Raleigh fieldbase, sort my stuff out and ditch some at mums. At the same time I had to pack smart for my travelsas certain budget airlines who shall remain nameless has a stupid baggage limit of 15kgs. I was pretty sure between myself and Will we definitely had way more than we should have but it was stuff we absolutely needed. Our flight to KL was on the 27th December and yes we were 20 kilos overweight and it was something like MYR15 per kilo we spent MYR300 on excess baggage. Luckily for our trip to Thailand we were ditching some of our stuff in KL. I have to say Krabi is spectacular, as much as people were all hyped up about the full moon party in Koh Samui. I am quite gladI didnt risk the "not having a bed at night" and the hoards of people...We had a really nice quiet ne at Koh Lanta Island insteadat a beach bar watching floating lanterns, hundreds drifting further away into the sky..it was an amazing sight. Releasing the lantern symbolises a fresh new start and luck for the new year. Tourists and locals were gathered all along the beach lighting their lanterns, some waiting for midnight to release them. Who knows what the new year has to offer.Hopefully, more adventures and friends and good times. Good bye 2007. Hello 2008.

The big bad world.

2008-02-04T20:08:00.000+08:00

If only I was paid to travel... where can I score me a job where I am paid (a decent wage) to do something I really love? My job with Raleigh was a job I loved. I stumbled upon the job accidently. That was a true blessing in disguise I have had someof the best times and experiences with raleigh. I will harp on, I will recount stories from Raleigh, I will bore the pants offnew people I meet but its only because I've had such a brilliant time on raleigh. Ra-Ra Raleigh indeed! People from previous expeds write to me and tell me that they have severe cases of Post raleigh blues-thats after 3 months of being onexpedition..I completely understand I keep re-playing some of the events from 2 years ago. It was my time to leave,I had had enough by the time I left. I loved it but, too much of a good thing cant be all that good for you. I secured a new jobbefore actually leaving raleigh (I am anal that way, I like knowing I have at least enough money or at least another jobwaiting for me). *Fingers crossed* I hope I will enjoy this experience as much as I enjoyed Raleigh.

Thank you and Farewell.

2008-02-04T19:56:00.000+08:00

Its been great. Its been wonderful. Its finally time to leave. I love Sabah, but its time to move on. I am off on my adventures. First stop: Krabi, Thailand.Then its Langkawi to work for X of amount of time. Just a note to friends in KK, friends frombefore and friends I made when I got there- Thank you for everything and for the support when I needed it most,apologies for any mistakes I have made, be well aware they were unintentional you've made my life in KK brilliant I wouldnt have had it any other way. But now its time to leave, some friends will remain friends and some will disappear. From me to you:Have a good life if I dont see or hear from you ever again. Take care. Thank you.

Festivities.

2008-02-04T19:32:00.000+08:00

Theres something about certain holidays/celebrations that sends a tingle down my spine. When I was growing up, any randomholiday would do that for me- coz it meant a day off from school and a day where I get to spend time with all my 101 cousins. Now I would have to say the only holiday that still has that effect on me would be Christmas. As commercialised and over rated as some people might say Christmas to be..I Still love it. I get a thrill of watching decorations go up in the stores in town. People rushing around arms laiden with paper bags and rolls of wrapping paper knowing very well that these people left their shopping till the last minute. I always make it a conscious effort to start my christmas shopping early but I never do, I think secretly I just enjoy rushing around with the other thousands of maniacs trying to complete their shopping on xmas eve! Ho Ho Ho. Xmas is in KK this year, New Year in Thailand.. Not too sure where I'll be Xmas next year,the wonderful thing about travelling, you never know and you'll make it up as you go along..I actually want a white christmas xmas next year-its been awhile :) Merry xmas, Happy Hanukkah...

Lost piccies..

2008-01-27T18:50:00.001+08:00

I lost all 400 plus pictures! Its shit, really shit. The end of my time with Raleigh, farewell parties and some other really great pictures LOST. I wont blame anyone but I couldnt help but feel slightly annoyed. I am over it but aaarghh.. Why? I do have some of these piccies I took of the F2000 World Cup Powerboat Race, I was the 'photographer' for the day.

* coming soon. PICS.

destination: Somewhere?

2007-11-16T13:59:00.000+08:00

I have a huge issue with planning and making decisions.. Part of it is due to the job I have been in for the past 2 years. Where planning is done but then that will change within hours/minutes and sometimes seconds... for a laugh I have applied for various positions all over the globe .. p.s vote now to see where I will end up in 2008! (poll on left hand panel)

click HERE to help me decide...
takes a few secs..

"It's the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary" ~Paulo Coelho~

2007-11-05T11:44:00.000+08:00

Paulo Coelho is one of my favourite authors.I think I have read all his books (well almost.. )
His work has been translated to 66 languages and edited in more than 150 countries.

I spent the day clearing out my inbox of emails and conversations I've had with people in the past year and I came across something I said to a mate of mine who was asking me for my advice:

If you have never read any of his books start with this book:

The Alchemist.

Other books to read by Mr. Coelho: Like a Flowing River, Life.

"We’re not supposed to figure out our lives we’re supposed to live them out…" ~mia~

At that precise moment another friend was online so I asked him whether he understood what I had written. He did. It was rather bizarre as I couldnt recall or understand what I had meant when I said it!

Words from the Man himself, Mr. Coelho.

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.””

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”

“I think that perhaps we always fall in love the very first time we see the man of our dreams, even though, at the time, reason may be telling otherwise, and we may fight against that instinct, hoping against hope that we won't win, until there comes a point when we allow ourselves to be vanquished by our feelings...”

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”

“You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.”

"One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”

“We have to stop and be humble enough to understand that there is something called mystery.”

“I think that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love. If one person really wants us, everyone does. But if we're alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange."

"We pretend to be strong because we are weak."

"We all harbour a great sadness in our soul."

"It is precisely the possibility of realizing a dream that makes life interesting."

"All men and all women are connected by an energy which many people call love, but which is, in fact, the raw material from which the universe was built. This energy can't be manipulated, it leads us gently forwards, it contains all we have to learn in this life. It we try to make it go in the direction we want, we end up desperate, frustrated, disillusioned, because that energy is free and wild.We could spend the rest of our life saying that we love such a person or thing, when the truth is that we are merely suffering because, instead of accepting love's strength, we are trying to diminish it so that it fits the world in which we imagine we live"

blank

2007-10-22T11:37:00.000+08:00

Currently at my desk, in front of my computer trying to brainstorm ideas and designs for a year end event and am completely BLANK. I cant even type out a decent proposal.. I have shed loads to do but my mind is wandering and is miles away from where I am physically.

So much to do and when I think about it I have very little time to sort stuff out before I leave KK! Started applying for random jobs all over the globe, in the process of packing and chucking out junk I need and wont need. Booked some flights though, need a bit of r&r prior to working and travelling on. I am anal in a sense of wanting to secure a job before getting to that place..

I desperately need ideas for design and performances for this event.. HELP!

one of em' days..

2007-10-15T10:45:00.000+08:00

CAUTION: For female readers only-men: Jog on-skip this post (to be honest I would usually skip such a post, bloggers who blog about their shopping experiences unless they bought something that interests me!)

Oh My Gawwd - I havent had what you would classify as a 'girlie day' in ages..I never was a huge fan of shopping (unless I needed to get something specific-or I could afford to get something completely unneccesary!-usually gadgets). I spent a whole day on Sunday with my mum (which is something I hardly do! Due to schedules and not being in the same time zone at times!) I spent 8 hours wandering aimlessly around town (well not really..) Had lunch AND dinner with my mum.. AND spent money (shit!) ... I then visited a spa with mum and had a foot scrub, a body massage and a pedicure (the masseuse was hilarious - "Where you go? You feet very rough one! Take me long time to scrub and make pretty!.. Me: yes, yes I know I have ugly jungle feet which is why I am here at this bloody spa!).

Spent: myr452.65 (BARGAIN!)

Bought:

2 dresses (to attend weddings and other upcoming functions-cant be rocking up in my trekking
trousers now can I?) - Original Price: myr179.90 & myr119.00 Got it for: myr149.45
(for both dresses!)

2 pairs of shoes (added to my very limited collection of flip flops and trekking boots!)

Original Price: myr87.90 & myr80 Paid: myr43.95 & myr45.00

a necklace (to go with the dress!) Original Price: myr59.00 Paid: myr29.50

2 pairs of earrings (I was afraid after not wearing earrings for so long I wouldnt be able to wear!)

Original Price: myr7.00 for both Paid:myr5.95

2 'undergarment' (in other words:bra and panty) sets

Original Price: myr45.00 per set Paid: myr50 for both

a hair clip Original Price: myr6.90 Paid:myr6.00

2 books (ok ok I needed to treat myself to something)
Original Price: myr43.90 & myr48.90 Paid: myr43.90 & myr48.90

3 DVD's Orignal Price: myr38.70 for all 3 Paid: myr30 for all 3

SO there you go I blogged about my shopping - I have to say retail therapy is brilliant although I have this really bad habit of feeling absolutely guilty after shopping eventhough I shouldnt.. On to more ranting...

random conversation..

2007-10-09T12:09:00.000+08:00

Conversation between a 'Groundwork' participant and myself.

(Click here for more information on Groundworks)

(Stereotyping Ibs: he appears to be a typical too cool for school, gangsta type from the hood bloke.)

Ibs: Hey.. How is it you dont seem to mingle as much as the other staff members..?

(pause.. me considering whether I should vent out/be honest or lie to this interesting individual)

Me: Actually, to be quite honest; I havent really been myself this past week. I am usually out there mingling and chatting to anyone and everyone. Apologies for that.

Ibs: Yeah. Actually I havent been myself either. Its bizarre though when I first met you.. you seemed rather grumpy and then when you conducted your session.. yeah I thought.. she cool and all that.

(me thinking to myself, this fella has been observing me-he doesnt even know me and has actually taken the time to ask me about myself. sweet of him. he aint as tough as he appears to be.)

Me: I'm sure it takes awhile to get into the swing of things and you are in a completely different environment. This aint London. I'm sure you're excited about some bits and anticipating certain events in this expedition.

Ibs: Nope. Nothing in life excites me.

(We were then rudely interupted by other individuals..)

I later found out that he plays the cello is artistic, has a really interesting selection of books I have been dying to read and is an avid photographer. Looking forward to having chats with him when he gets back from his project site.

I really wish we could have continued that conversation.. can you imagine life without any excitements? I wonder what has led him to believ that nothing in life could possibly excite him.

things that make you go "hmmm.."

2007-09-28T14:18:00.000+08:00

friday laughs. Have a good weekend peeps.

time zooms by..

2007-09-28T12:35:00.000+08:00

Where has the time gone? I cant believe its coming to the end of yet another year! It was "mid year" yesterday... so much has happened and occasionally when I was out on project site I felt as if time had stood still for a moment.. well it stood still for me..though when I got back after being out for 7 weeks into the depths of Borneo, I found that life had gone on for everyone else (obviously!). Its amazing how your life can change in just a couple of months though...

What I missed out on whilst I was out building a kindergarten and trying to survive the adventure challenge in Borneo:

- mates got into a car accident, badly injured but survived.

-lost a good mate of mine apparently due to my lack of communication and keeping in touch
skills. (Such is life.)

- mates have gotten married/divorced/together/given birth/pregnant etc.

- family gatherings/birthdays/visits.

-my personal life, I was offered a job and then rejected as I didnt get back to them in time -
duh had no internet access!

-and other little snippets I found out upon checking my emails and receiving phone calls when I
got back..

Still trying to pull the pieces together and plan the rest of the year which involve sorting visas, jobs and my movements .. in 5 days I manage to find myself in 3 different countries woohoo.. unbelievable? - believe it! Actually I am lying quite a bit has happened in my life.. it was brilliant being out in the middle of nowhere and going back to the basics of life where water, food and sleep were our main priorities-I have actually made the time to think. Am glad I did. Its on to a new chapter of my life.

think about it.

2007-09-20T12:50:00.000+08:00

Drunken Words are Sober Thoughts.

Nuff Said.

decisions decisions decisions

2007-09-05T17:03:00.000+08:00

The one thing I have learnt and realised through my time with Raleigh is that you can plan. plan. plan and somehow or another something comes up and changes all that. I have been pretty set on my decisions of leaving Sabah come September 2007. With the turn of events and the fact that I had to be out on project (no communications with the outside world other than an HMF radio!) for about 6 weeks left me with little time to plan things and to get my ass into gear to leave...so here I am back in the office still recuperating from the rather challenging 5 weeks.. I have to admit binge drinking is not helping me in any way other than chilling and calming nerves (long story). I have yet to decide my future - although my dear ol boss is keepin my job for me if I want it-which would mean another 3 months in Sabah.. maybe leaving at the end of the year is a better option and a proper end to an era and at that point me boss and L who have been a constant part of my life for the past 2 years will leave together. Other things have been popping up in my life as well and I am finding it rather difficult to handle my emotions-surprisingly I have been numb up till now - its probably my emotions catching up with me(you can run Mia but you cant hide!) and the fact that being out on project has given me the time to focus on thinking about ME and the things I want in my life. I had a brilliant "roller coaster" ride in the past 6 weeks. What does the future hold for me? Who knows....

the heart of Borneo..

2007-07-28T23:34:00.000+08:00

Right people of the blogging world and my mates who havent given up on me.. its goodbye for 5 weeks.. I will have no telecommunications/technology to communicate with the outside world.. as I am off to a community project and adventure challenge smack in the middle of nowhere for 5 weeks with 12 others-wish me luck.

Tales to tell when I get back.. it will be brilliant, challenging and definitely an interesting roller coaster ride... take care peeps. Keep on blogging...

neither here nor there..

2007-07-24T19:41:00.000+08:00

I have disappeared from the blogging community and some people are probably wondering why a "missing persons" advert for Mia hasnt been placed in the local papers yet-some have probably given up on me already... Its difficult at times to find a real balance especially when you spend 12-16 hours of your day working AND you live and work in the same building AND you socialise, live, breathe and eat with the people you work with! Thats fine in the office as you actually have the option of driving out and getting a bit of space from everything. However on the 1st of August 2007, I will be thrown into the depths of Borneo for 5 solid weeks to live with my fellow project partner and 11 participants (age 17-24) predominantly (this is me stereotyping and I can be completely wrong!) rich, spoilt brats from the UK-Can you say:

"Turn up the heat and the intensity"?

This is where myself and a colleague work 24/7! Although a person above the age of 18 can be classified as an adult we will still have to be responsible for them.. they dont call us a Youth Development charity for nothing! To be honest quite alot has been happening in my life recently leaving me slightly dazed and completely drained..(several thoughts and notes on what sums up as to what I have been feeling for the past couple of weeks..I'm sick of posts as such but I need to pen it down for my own sanity-after all I am making the most of my time on Raleigh and trying to as people would say "find myself" before I rush out of Borneo!)

- I am still slightly confused and lost. Oh heck who am I kidding? I AM confused and lost.

- I love the thrill of rushing to meet deadlines when its work related.. I HATE rushing for

deadlines when it involves planning my future and making decisions..

- What you want may be something you might not actually need. And what you need might not

be something you want.

- You dont always get what you want in life ... in fact you'll get a dozen other things you dont

want and at that point you just accept whatever it is thats been handed to you as you're trying

to compensate for the things you didnt get. Whats a girl to do?

- When you find out about things you werent supposed to know. You wonder whether it actually

does you good or bad. You feel as if you have the upperhand at times when someone has

impart useful knowledge. In actual fact the information you think you accidently acquired

might actually fuck (*pardon the french) situations up even more.

- Ever felt like you're put up for grabs in the meat market and only weirdos are buying?

It sucks.

Am soon off to another country. No I'm not bonkers and Yes I know most people are settling SOMEWHERE specific and doing the whole "responsible thing in life" ie saving $$, acquiring property etc. Mia has narrowed it down to 3 countries..

Got this off from a mates blog.

"Not all who wander are lost" J.R.R Tolkien

from a letter I received today:

"for some settling down somewhere is the way of life... for people like us .. change is constant"

TO be honest I do want something constant in my life.. it does semi suck to be wandering around the globe without anything/anyone constant beside you...

D.C

the real world.

2007-07-11T22:19:00.000+08:00

Mia is currently in a world of her own.. as always when an expedition is on.. I feel like as if I have been "cut off" from the actual world.. its amazing when I find out what other non-raleigh people are up to... securing a new job, buying a house, settling down, going out for a beer at the local pub and having babies among other "normal activities".... and where am I in the equation of having some form of stability? no where close to any of the above thats for sure.. Its been a rather bizarre start this time round.. I know people who read my blog expect to hear of the wonderful, hysterical, out of this world experiences I have in Raleigh.. but the start of this expedition has been (in one word) : Bizarre. I found myself in situations I havent expected (yeah yeah - I know I am one to preach about expecting the unexpected...) but it has been bizarre am currently living in a dream .. am really not too sure whats actually going on in my life.. need to sort my shit out though and honestly I only have a couple of days *biting nails and cringing* I hate.. hate the idea of planning... but I realise the actual importance of having some sort of plan...the only reason why I hate planning is coz nothing ever actually goes according to plan... disappointments are bound to happen why not leave it to the very last minute?... negative negative.. esp coming from me!
my mantra "I would rather be an optimist who was wrong than a pessimist who was right!"..
will drill that in for the next couple of weeks.. time will fly by esp. this time round having to juggle more that one job...
for those in the know: what the f*** is going on with life?

randomness.

2007-06-26T10:50:00.000+08:00

Knackered. Lost. A bit confused.

Felt like ranting and just thrusting my thoughts to the blog today. Gathered thoughts from random conversations of emotions of mates, colleagues and yours truly over the past couple weeks.

- A plan can be a plan but never set your heart out or expect to see it materialise. Expect the

unexpected.

- Grief comes in all forms and can come back to bite you in the bum when you least expect it..

You think you handled your emotions and other issues at that moment of time in actual fact

you were ignoring the situation at hand and think you handled when in actual fact you

hadnt.

- People can say one thing and mean another. Trust no one.

- People use, abuse and do stupid things they later regret. Feelings are involved. Hearts are

broken but thats life for you.. a never ending string of unfortunate events that you learn from

though in no way should it put a stopper to doing the things you want to do with your life.

Happiness does exist.

- Ignorance is not always bliss.

- Its amazing how something as simple as warm shower can make your day.

- Its amazing how something trivial/petty events can also break your day.

- Its possible to feel a dozen emotions in one given time.

- Its possible to ignore the dozen emotions and just feel numb as well.

- Friends are some of the most important people in your life. There is no specific time frame to

know someone to realise that some friends are friends for life and are definite keepers, same

goes for relationships. If it feels right= Its right. X amount of time should not effect it.

- Calling at odd hours. With friends it could be 2 in the morning or 9 at night.. in the dictionary of

friends, odd hours=non-existent. Was in line for the shower today when I got a call from a

mate. Hey M you kept me company whilst waiting to have my shower.

- Observing people is a brilliant past time. If you find some random person to do it with its even

better.

- My life changes every 5 minutes. I can be neither here nor there (mentally and physically). I

can be in the jungle one minute, the city the next, and a different country all together in the

next.

- Its nice to have someone right there beside you without a doubt, you're only human to long

for someone and to feel a sense of belonging, this does not mean you are desperate. Truth be

told in actual fact: You're alone in this world. You only have yourself to depend on. As you

never know when that one person you depend on decides to leave.

- I am pretty decisive most times. But for now I am lost.

"Let it go, Let it roll right off your shoulder

Don't you know

The hardest part is over

Let it in, Let your clarity define you

In the end

We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made

In these small hours

These little wonders,

These twists & turns of fate

Time falls away,

But these small hours,

These small hours still remain"

Little Wonders by Rob Thomas

snap happy.

2007-06-13T13:54:00.000+08:00

So I'm back from my travels and I was absolutely gutted as I had just gotten myself a new digital camera when my memory card started acting up! I actually managed to get a couple of good artistic shots and lost it all.. I'm left with the very few pictures that were stored on to the memory of the camera.. several random pics from my travels..

the eye

tombstones in the little Portugeuse town: Malacca

high in the sky

southwark cathedral

beer goggles in KL

all fluff

tennis mum.

the beauty of having vain cousins they pose and wont mind doing idiotic things in front of the camera. japanese beverage advert in Green Park..

Ben

a work of art

from point a to point b

brilliant work of art side walks at the south bank, London.. this artist took 10 weeks to complete this piece.

what should we eat?

whats up?

2007-06-06T06:42:00.000+08:00

I was walking along the Jubilee bridge in Central London a couple days back. It was brilliant having what I've actually been longing for: a bit of 'me-time'. A chance to do the things I want to do at my own time and to collect my thoughts and figure out well to be honest: my life. I have been discouraged by many to move (yet again...) to a different part of the world but heck thats been the plan from about 5 years ago when I was living and working in KL. In search of greener pastures? Not exactly.. it can be the same shit but in a different location. I have always made the most of whereever I am- which is a complete LIE.. NOW I wanna make the most of where I'm living and London (well OZ as well....!) is calling out to me.. decisions decisions..

As I mentioned earlier while totally embracing my alone time walking along this bridge, I saw a woman standing in the centre looking down at the river below her and tears were streaming down her face.. obviously upset and also completely alone. Made me wonder what was going on in her life and what had happened that day... I hesistated, me being me I would normally stop and ask the person whether they were alright... at the same time I had an appointment later that afternoon and this would be my only opportunity to have time to myself... and I was supposed to be on holiday, counselling is part of my daily routine at work and was the last thing on my mind at that point. Selfish? I dont know.. big city+ woman crying+ stranger offering help=? Later that day I got into a debate about 'the whole scenario with the woman' with a couple of mates: a psychiatrist and an artist... can you imagine the outcome of that conversation? What would you do? Would you have stopped and asked her whether she was alright?..

Exploring.

2007-05-27T23:49:00.000+08:00

Am off and out of mobile contact...am currently in Travel Blog mode. Left in such a hurry, no proper good byes or planning but loving how I am just taking things day by day .. still havent really had time to chill (yet) but am getting there.. Back to Blighty .. am not really the best person to be with for a long haul flight.. anyways if anything interesting should come up contact me via email... Goodbye for now :)

look after you..

2007-05-18T16:36:00.000+08:00

its been in my head the whole day today..

lovin this song at the mo (this and "Over My Head" by the same band-I love how you can relate music to your current mood).

The Frey-Look After You

If I don't say this now I will surely break

As I'm leaving the one I want to take

Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait

My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go

Will you won't you, be the one I always know

When I'm losing my control, the city spins around

You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt

My love she leans into me

This most assuredly counts

She says most assuredly

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

I'll look after you

It's always have and never hold

You've begun to feel like home

What's mine is yours to leave or take

What's mine is yours to make your own

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

its finally over...

2007-05-18T16:11:00.000+08:00

..well kind of although the friends I have made from this expedition will remain my friends for a long time to come. We have been through alot together.

I have been swamped with even more work recently ..I thought with the end of the expedition I would have more time to sit back and chill.. havent had one of those days yet, the only time I had a few minutes to chill and clear my thoughts was when I woke up on the top of the second highest peak in Sabah.. the view was amazing, it was breathtaking and I cant even begin to describe the scenery and how when I was sitting on the top of that mountain in three layers and a mug of hot milo in my hand all the events of the past year rushed back and made me think even more of my direction in life. I am looking forward to escapades at the end of this month although work related for some of the days..am still thrilled to travel..will be travelling half way across the globe.. got my tickets booked.. havent clue where I'm staying and what I'll be doing.. I have a rough idea but nothing set in stone.. but as off 25th of May am outta here for a bit will only be back on the 11th of June..I think havent booked ticket back just yet :) Will blog more a little later tonight.. as for now I need to get off the net and finish typing reports!

the pressure is on..

2007-05-07T14:12:00.000+08:00

Here I am at a random coffee bean outlet down by the waterfront frantically trying to complete the slideshow for about several hundred eyes tonight... my computer has crashed multiple times over the last couple of days... the staff and participants are having a nice afternoon off shopping and eating and chatting with their mates..a little frustrating I have to say.. this happens to be one expedition that I have found to be the toughest and has absolutely drained me physically and mentally.. had a good chat with a mate of mine who came on to Raleigh this expedition, we've been mates since secondary school.. and she said she would never have understood the intensity of Raleigh till she volunteered.. and I guess having such a job means you need to sacrifice bits of your life that you actually love.. she has a point.. people lose relationships, mates etc due to Raleigh .. its more of a personal adventure/mission when you're in this line of work .. you help random people along the way, to a certain extent you help yourself but you do lose your life as you're embroiled in the flow of the expedition.. which is one of the reasons as to why I have decided to resign. SO much has happened in the course of 3 months and most people dont really know my next step after Raleigh and they dont understand why .. I am leaving for the UK on the 31st May to get a bit of headspace from the whole Raleigh affair but only to dump some stuff and visit people and then I'm returning to Sabah for a bit and I'll go from there... till then wish me luck I hope the slideshow actually happens!

starfish

2007-05-04T19:00:00.000+08:00

I love this picture of him relaxing in a wheel barrow...

Its been almost 2 weeks since the death of a great colleague and a good friend. We just received a letter from the family of Toby and yet again it brought tears to my eyes. He died doing something he really loved and his family and friends were supportive and fully understood his commitment and passion for Raleigh. In fact they plan to start a trust fund called "The Starfish Fund" to help fund youths from that part of the UK to volunteer for Raleigh.

Why Starfish?.. his dad attached the following excerpt:

As an old man walked along the beach at dawn, he noticed a young man ahead of him picking up starfish and flinging them back into the sea.

Catching up with the youth he asked him why he was doing this. The answer was that the stranded starfish would die if left in the morning sun.

"But the beach goes on for miles and miles and there are millions of starfish. How can your effort make any difference?"

The young man looked at the starfish in this hand and threw it safely into the waves.

"It makes a difference to THAT one". he said

May you rest in piece Tobe's..You're a legend.

keeping it together..

2007-04-28T23:45:00.000+08:00

Its been tough.. I would be lying if I said I was alright. I know to a certain extent I am grieving and havent been able to grief about the whole incident properly (if that makes any sense!) and it hasnt been an easy task going through your late colleagues belongings, or gruesome pictures, or seeing everyone in tears half the time. I have done my fair bit of post traumatic counselling for the rest of my colleagues and holding it together and tomorrow I am off. I have a personal mission, needless to say its not exactly an easy one but it has to be done. I have had objections from several people into going out so soon after my accident and after the traumatic event in the past week but I have to do it.
I am going out with the very same people who were involved in the accident with me, truthfully they are wobbly the recent accident has affected them. I know everyones worried family, friends and colleagues.. but its something I have to do. Thanks people for the support, your support has got me through the past couple of weeks. Realistically (sounds a bit morbid).. chances of getting into an accident is there but I guess it could happen to any of us. Till I blog again... This is Mia signing off.

heated debate

2007-04-28T01:08:00.000+08:00

(mia vs mia-her own debate on the topic: Arguments)

I seriously hate arguments, I dont like being involved in an argument. I dont like being a witness to one. But then again, who loves,lives and thrives on the idea of having an argument with someone? Well probably lawyers..in actual fact despite me not being a fan of a verbal joust.. I always believed that arguments (in some bizarre way) are healthy (well not the full blown verbal abuse-type-argument!). I think in some ways it is a form of venting and releasing pent-up anger. Although after reading the following (which I think is a rather 'interesting' read!-note the inverted commas) made me think twice...

Was reading a random individuals collection of thoughts on "arguments" that made me ponder on the recent events and how it has led to a very unhealthy work environment where everyone is at each other throats...

Believe it or not, more homes are destroyed by arguments than by fires or funerals!

We all know that arguing for the sake of arguing is a pointless waste of time! We have absolutely NOTHING to gain, and our time, energy and someone's friendship to LOSE!

It is said that the only people who really LISTEN to an argument are the neighbors! For others, arguing has become a HABIT, an automatic reaction of saying something contradictory to whatever is being said! Some people love to argue, and will do anything to prove their point! They'd rather lose a friend than an argument!

A LESSON FROM BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
One compulsive arguer was the early American statesman, philosopher and author, Benjamin Franklin. As a youth he loved nothing more than a good argument until a close friend took him aside and said, "Ben, you are impossible! Your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you! Your friends enjoy themselves better when you are not around! You think you KNOW so much that no one can TELL you anything. Indeed, no one is going to try, for the effort would only lead to discomfort and hard work! So you are not likely ever to know any more than you do now--which is actually very LITTLE!" "If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes. But it will be an empty victory, because you will never get your opponent's good will!" Ben Franklin was BIG enough and WISE enough to accept these stinging truths, and to realise that he was headed for failure and social disaster! So he immediately began to change his bigoted, argumentative ways! He became one of the best loved, wisest and most diplomatic men in American history, and was actually remembered for saying:

"NO ONE ever really wins an argument!"

You can shout and scream and argue until you're blue in the face, but people are not going to believe that you are right unless they WANT to believe it! And remember, no amount of logic or argument will make anyone change his mind if he doesn't want to! And even if they would LIKE to agree with you, your tone may have put them so much on the defensive that it would be like an utter humiliation, a defeat on the battlefield, for them to confess you're right or even partly right! Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each side more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right! Well, suppose you triumph over the other person and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he's an absolute idiot.
You can't win an argument, because if you lose it, you lose it!-- And if you WIN it, you LOSE it!

Why?
"A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still!"

Then what? You'll feel fine, smug and satisfied. But what about him? You'll have made him feel inferior. You've hurt his pride. He may resent your triumph, and… "WHAT CAUSES FIGHTS AND QUARRELS AMONG YOU?"
“Don't they come from your lusts and desires that battle within you? You want something, but don't get it...so you quarrel and fight.” --James 4:1-2.
So greediness and selfishness can be one of the root causes of arguing, trying to get the things you selfishly want. Other arguments are caused by PRIDE. Proverbs 13:10 says:
“Only by PRIDE come quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” Also, as we've clearly seen, many arguments are caused by SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS.

hmmm...

Numb.

2007-04-26T22:56:00.000+08:00

Its been a really challenging week. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. This has really been an epic expedition. From one drama to another, each event harder to deal with than the first..

Monday evening after a rather long & tiring day a colleague and I decided to go out for a couple of drinks. About an hour after we had left the office, another colleague pulled up right beside our table in her vehicle and said she had being trying to contact my mobile and that there had been a fatality. I was stunned and thought I must have heard her wrongly. So many things started rushing to mind.. "fatality? who was it?" "Oh god mia of all the days you didnt have your mobile with you, why today??!" we paid the bill, rushed off, jumped back in to my vehicle and drove back to the office.. everyone was gathered in the office, listening to our doctor relaying details of the event.. It didnt sink in. I couldnt absorb the information he was passing on to us. We spent the night fanning around in the office sorting things out, answering calls, making calls and organising and planning our movements..
There were very few of us in fieldbase.. most of them were sent to bed, my boss tried sending me to bed.. got to bed at about 0230am 10 mins later my boss entered my room and requested that I get back to the office..as predicted: more drama and I knew he needed the company and support, he couldnt possibly handle it on his own.... so it was just me and my boss sat in the office.. trying to accept what had happened whilst sorting out the tasks at hand and contemplating life... it was a long night (and day).. both of us hadnt had a wink of sleep in over 36 hours..

We've been trying to keep it together which is rather difficult when its splashed across the front pages of most local and national newspapers. It has now hit the international press scene and videos of an interview with my late colleagues parents are on the BBC website.

Read here for details.
BBC News
The Star
UK National News

The press, people passing on their condolences, mates, family, me having to relay the dreadful news to next of kin and to family members of those who were involved in the accident, arguments caused by the built up of tension and emotions in the office...it was really overwhelming for the first couple of days and I still managed to hold it in just to put on a front for all my colleagues around me who I felt needed the support. I've had to see people cry and break down and I knew then that I was going to break very soon.

It only hit me last night when I was out with some friends and I was receiving endless calls from the office but I really needed a bit of headspace so I returned to what I would refer as to a normal life and went out with them..however after a couple of hours I had to ditch my mates and return to the office. The one thing that really affected me was reading an email we received from my late colleagues girlfriend.. I was reading it in the office alone at about 11oclock at night.. I completely lost it. It must have been so difficult for her to write such a letter.

I was alright for the first part of today.. and I had a great conversation with a close mate back in the UK. But I think the shock finally kicked in ... the mood was rather somber in the office today and I had to do some of the most difficult things, things you cant imagine doing especially with the accident that only recently occurred.. Going through my late colleagues personal belongings and writing out an inventory of all the items he had, speaking to the people who were involved in the accident. Particularly a Malaysian participant who witnessed the entire accident and was the first to rush to my late colleagues side. He had written a personal statement in malay and I had to translate it into English.. I was in the office typing and crying at the same time.. I wanted it to be over I wanted to get it over and done with.. I hated how descriptive the statement was and how the participant had a way with words and was expressing himself .. My boss sat next to me reading whilst I was typing and after reading a paragraph, he couldnt stand to read any more and turned back to his screen..from the corner of my eye I could see him tearing up.. theres still another day tomorrow.. I dont know what to expect other than fact that I will have to face having to discuss the details of the accident again....

I needed to vent. This is only a portion of what I really feel and of what really went on.. I need to get to bed I have another early morning tomorrow....

tackle a problem..

2007-04-25T12:32:00.001+08:00

I received the following email which was originally written in a religious point of view.. I tweaked it and posted it on this blog.

5 Reasons Why We face problems.

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you - depending on how you respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how problems are good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring.

Here are five ways problems benefit you in life(not at the current moment but in the long run):

1. Life throws us problems to DIRECT us.

Sometimes a fire should be lit under us to get us moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. "Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways."

2. Life throws us problems to INSPECT us.

People are like tea bags...if you want to know what's inside them, just drop them into hot water! What do problems reveal about you? "When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy(a bit bizarre unless you're super-duper optimist) because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience."

3. Life throws us problems to CORRECT us.

Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It's likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something... health, money, a relationship. .. by losing it. "It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to the little things in life which we usually take for granted."

4. Life throws us problems to PROTECT us.

A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem - but it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management's actions were eventually discovered.

5. Life throws us problems to PERFECT us.

Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. Your character is the only thing you're going to take with you into eternity. "We can rejoice when we run into problems... they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us"

Here's the point: "Success can be measured not only in achievements, but in lessons learned, lives touched and moments shared along the way"

(I love this bit) Touch a heart, leave a hope, stroke a faith and lend a hand. Live simply, expect little, give much. Fill your life with love. Scatter sunshine. Forget self, think of others..........

tick tock..

2007-04-24T04:08:00.001+08:00

0411 - browsing through available flights. No news yet. Heavy eyes. Still waiting for
the call.
Conversation earlier..
R: Thats life...
Me: I guess.

Its a long day ahead. There are so many issues to consider. Tomorrow we start relaying the painful news to everyone else. How? Whats our next move?

Ring.Ring.Ring... Thats the call...

check list.

2007-04-23T10:41:00.000+08:00

Right. I have been mentioning it over and over again of my plans to travel/work for a good couple years before I hit the the big age of 3-0.. well finally got my arse into action made contact with the British Embassy, got some of my documents together and the day I am absolutely busy, out and about they call my office! My boss, a colleague and my good friend from the UK are 100% behind me armed with reference/recommendation letters. Thanks guys. I have finally informed the big boss that I plan to leave..so theres no turning back! I even made some plans with some people to travel to bits of Europe... and I havent even left Malaysia and settled in the UK yet! Looking at random towns to live in whilst I'm there .. I just want to be everywhere.. realistically the first part of my stay will be in London.. and I guess I'll leave the rest of the planning for when I get there! There are some towns/cities I've been looking at.. and some of my mates have kindly offered me a place to stay :) Thanks guys. See you soon.

why?

2007-04-22T20:45:00.000+08:00

I am mad.angry.cross. you get the picture.

I still cant believe my boss was sitting in the cafe in the airport watching the entire drama unfold. He approached us after the entire ordeal and told me not to go in to the office that day and said he had heard of what happened.

With my niece whispering in my ear, clutching on to my hand "Aunty Mia, I thought I was only going back on Monday not today..".. How do you tell a 9 year old "Sorry love, you gotta get back on that plane and take a 12 hour flight back home, coz its shit here and there are some bad people who are trying to make life miserable for you and if the world was fair that person should be rotting in prison" With the chatter around me and some of my rellys in tears ..my focus was on my niece. For once I was stumped for words I didnt know what to say to an innocent 9 year old looking for answers...

all fluff and no substance?

2007-04-19T17:30:00.000+08:00

My "Western" Colleagues: Mia, Why are there soooo many beauty salons in KK?.. Theres one

every 100m from the other!!

Mia:???

After much thought, research and discussions etc (me and my philosophical meanderings... *sigh*).. I realise how vain the Asian population are. BUT is that really a bad thing?

Unlike other cultures the women (and men) of Asia are willing to invest ridiculous amounts of money and hours all in the name of looking absolutely perfect and at the same time keeping their health in check. Its been instilled in us asians at the tender age of 2 (first words: BEAUTY not mum/dad) that looking your best should be one of life's top priorities.

Mathematical Solution to this:

Well groomed + Nice Clothes + Good Health = Looking Good = Better work opportunities + Increased Self Esteem

Scene 1: I was in town with some mates the other day and we were admiring this lady who had a really nice figure, long lustrous hair who had on a sexy LBD (little black dress) .. she turned around and I instantly recognised her. She was my ex-boyfriends mum! Married for about 30 years and she looks as stunning as she did when she first met her other half!

Scene 2: In the competitive rat race I was in, prior to my career move to Raleigh International..it was all about the hair, the clothes, the shoes and looking presentable. My boss constantly criticised his staff about their outfits and suggests that we spend some time to shop for MORE clothes. A huge difference to Raleigh when being dressed to the nines means you have a clean tshirt and a nice pair of shorts on!

Scene 3: When I was working for The Body Shop, I was given the honours of filtering through applications. Trust me. First impressions and application photos do count. Our big boss, (in not so many words..) makes a concious effort to employ only good looking people. Nuff said.

Reality bites but in the Asian world and if you really think about it, its starting in other parts of the globe, having the "looks/style" opens doors to many opportunities: work, the perfect partner, respect .. shallow: yes. a bad thing: no. Look at in another angle: a good way to boost your self confidence. When you're confident, nothing will get in the way of you achieving the things you want.

In another shallow perspective... divorce rates in most western countries are at an all time high...some of the reasons that affect the statics are due to the very unbelievably shallow excuse/reason as to people "losing one self".. Ladies and gents being in a relationship does not give you the passport to "let go"(translation: take care of yourself, the occasional scruffy tshirt and sweatpants are fine.. but heck keep em keen ...keep your partners interested). I think I opened up a can of worms and people can send in their hate messages via this post but its true (sad to say).

I love my job where you're not judged by your appearances.. however there are occassions where dressing up and not having jungle feet and hair come in handy. That said. I gotta go.. its time for me to get my brows professionally done and sort out my jungle hair.

I'm back...

2007-04-18T13:03:00.000+08:00

I'm back into the swing of things.. although after a ridiculously hectic changeover at Borneo Paradise (whereby all the participants return to KK and are then shuffled around and sent back out to different project sites in different groups) I have to say I am absolutely shattered and I think I pushed myself a wee bit too much.. I fell asleep on the sofa at about 5pm yesterday and was dead to world till about 6 this morning, woke up with a freakishly throbbing headache.. I skipped lunch and dinner and got up craving steak and potatos (bring me the whole cow!) Other than work I have had a rather jam-packed schedule.. my entire family is in KK and its been quite awhile since I've seen some of them so we have been making it a point to spend time with each other before everyone returns to where ever their from... between work, Karaoke-ing, dinners and random photo sessions at hotels I've managed to fit in other things into my schedule such as....

Yes people... pole dancing.. it is not an easy way of keeping fit mind you.. you have to have a strong upper body. One of our staff members from Lithuania is a pole dancer ( well she's been attending pole-dancing classes back in Milton Keynes.. ) and shes been giving me and one of the other girls free lessons.. she makes the whole pole dancing business look so easy and graceful.. when we first started we looked like bloody clowns clambering up the pole and swinging around bumping our legs (I have the bruises to prove it !) I've also re-joined the gym group to start training again to get up Mount Trusmadi..which has the reputation of being a real challenge and alot tougher than Mount Kinabalu!

I have also been reading quite a bit (random books I found on the shelves at fieldbase..):

and I am about to read a book given to me as a gift from Rory, my boss (really random!):

apparently the book is rated as:"funny, moving and a definite page-turner".. a break-up from a blokes point of view. We'll see...

I'm back. I need to sort my shit out as I have a plan up my sleeve and it involves me leaving KK for a bit :)

in more ways than one..

2007-04-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

Lovin the song. Lovin the lyrics. Lovin the fact that the song can be applied to every aspect of your life. Think about it....

ROB THOMAS - Little Wonders..
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don’t you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don’t mind
if it’s me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it’s the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours,
still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

I had it again...

2007-04-13T00:59:00.000+08:00

I have been having reoccurring visions.. just as I'm about to fall asleep the vision of the landrover losing control and swerving and flipping over is as vivid as the day of the accident..I do not understand as to why I have these stupid visions just as I'm about drift off to sleep but I do.. and of all the days .. Did I have to have it today...I have a busy day ahead of me, probably 14 hours of work ahead of me *groan*.. am now back in the office surfing the net while everyones in bed..tried calling mates and obviously the ones in this part of the planet are in bed.. and the ones on the other side of the planet are either at work or about to have dinner.. *sigh* ... stop with the freaking images I JUST WANT TO SLEEP! I thought I was over the whole incident!

and the results are in...

2007-04-11T14:36:00.000+08:00

I HAVE A BRAIN!! .. on a serious note.. the whole ordeal of having to go for a CT Scan made me shit in my pants..

the authors brain..

It was the busiest I have ever seen the A&E department in SMC. We actually had to wait our turn *gasp* I was then referred to a doctor and then sent to the Radiology department.. and the radiologist who prepped me was the worlds friendliest and liveliest ladies I have ever met .. NOT.

"Friendly" Radiologist: So you are absolutely 100% SURE you're not pregnant? (3rd time of

having been asked the same question in the past hour)

Me: Well unless there was an immaculate conception in the past several months or whilst

walking from A&E to the CT Scan room.. YES I am 100% sure. (me trying to crack a joke

and lighten the mood as well as reassure myself however I only received puzzled looks from

Ms. Friendly!)

"Friendly" Radiologist(in a very monotonous, disinterested, almost robotic voice): Please dont

move, close your eyes, lift your head slightly, ok...and you sure you're not pregnant...?

Me: *&%$#@. (In my head but not out loud: What part of "I'm not pregnant do you not understand??!!")

C.T SCAN OF Me

Multislice CT scan of the brain followed by axial and coronal reconstruction.

Findings: Normal cerebral hemispheres, brainstem, cerebellum, ventricules and subarachnoid space.

Impression: Normal C.T scan of brain.

I'm glad. I can sleep in peace. I still have headaches every morning when I get up and in the afternoons but at least I know I'm alright.... part of the recuperation process.. thanks everyone for your support.. its time for me to pop some painkillers and have a nap.

nerves.

2007-04-09T23:31:00.000+08:00

I've been doing pretty well for the past couple of days.. I think! Everyones in bed and I'm still awake I am feeling a bit nervous. Still not back into full energetic mode, I thought I would get back and into the swing of things with the hustle and bustle at work as I do sleep, live and breathe in my work place (literally!) and I usually get stuck in when people are around me. However today I woke up with a splitting headache and decided to have a lie-in till about 10 (which in the schedule of Raleigh is half a day spent in bed: I have been up at about 530am everyday for the past week!) Spent a good part of the day at the police station sorting out reports followed by a really good massage by a masseuse who really works wonders and has absolutely magical hands. I told her I was recently in an accident and to be gentle on my back, I took my shirt off and it was bizarre she started poking me and said I was badly bruised on my back and prod me in specific spots and asked "This place hurt alot right? ... and this one.. and this one?" at that point I was like "Bloody hell woman.. DUH pretty obvious with the bruises, I dont have to be a masseuse or a doctor to figure that one out!".. she then proceeded with a couple of strokes and massaged me in spots that were rather strange like my sides, the small of my back and my fingers and ...Ta-da I really did feel a bit better....getting back to why I'm nervous: My family, friends and colleagues have been worried about me and insist I go for a CT scan despite the many times of me assuring them that "I'm fine, its just a little bump on my head..". Initially I wasnt too worried about it... now to be honest I'm starting to. Which is why I'm currently awake blogging as well as reading up on CT Scans.. I'm going to qualify as a medic by the end of this expedition with all the research of drugs, disease and first aid I've done!

This is what it looks like :

(similar to an a equipment they use on board Star Trek!)

Looks rather harmless... Well I best go off to bed ..and try to get some sleep... a cup of milo, a fag, painkillers and a gazillion other drugs should do the trick.....

shock.

2007-04-08T14:55:00.000+08:00

Happy Easter everyone. I was slightly worried about meeting my family today, not because of the fact that I didnt want to see them but more of knowing I'd probably burst into tears the moment I see them. It was good to see everyone but it was also a reminder of how I nearly missed the gathering .. *gulp* It made me choke even more when my 9 year old niece ran up to me with her puppy dog eyes and asked in her thick Brit accent "Aunty Mia why are you crying?" My other two colleagues who were involved in the accident are currently wandering aimlessly around fieldbase, they need their own private space and are extremely quiet, all of us are still in shock and under medication.. funny thing about the whole shock business, I was chatting with the doctor and asked her as to why there was a delay in me feeling the way they were feeling... she said its only normal and in actual fact I probably was in shock and asked me to recall every single detail of that day ... and now when I think about it the only thing I vividly remember of the day was the accident.. bits and pieces after that are all a blur... found something online regarding handling shock and the what usually occurs in the aftermath of an accident..

The Aftermath
While the crash itself might be upsetting, dealing with the aftermath can be too. In the hours or days following an accident, some people may still be shaken up. They may be beating themselves up over what happened — especially if they feel the accident was avoidable. Sometimes, people close to those who were involved in the accident (like families and best friends) can experience some emotional problems too. These feelings are all normal. Once some time passes, the car is repaired, and the insurance companies are dealt with, most accidents become mere afterthoughts.

In some cases, though, these feelings can get stronger or last for longer periods of time, keeping a person from living a normal life. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can occur when a person has experienced a devastating event that injured or threatened to injure someone. Signs of PTSD may show up immediately following the accident, or weeks or even months after.
Not everyone who experiences stress after a trauma has PTSD. But here are some symptoms to look out for:

avoiding emotions or any reminders of the incident
constant feelings of anxiousness, crankiness, or anger
avoiding medical tests or procedures
constantly reliving the incident in one's mind
nightmares or trouble sleeping

If you notice any of these symptoms after you've been in a car accident, try talking through the experience with friends or relatives you trust. Discuss what happened, and what you thought, felt, and did during the accident and in the days after. Try to get back into your everyday activities, even if they make you uneasy. If these things don't help, ask your parent or guardian to help you check in with your doctor.

theres shit loads on the net about these things... it does explain alot of things though.. who needs a psychiatrist when you have the internet?

surreal.

2007-04-07T00:38:00.000+08:00

Sore. In more ways than one.

Am back from my adventures due to a rather awful and unexpected event. As planned I did get to the first destination: Imbak Canyon: which is an absolutely awesome place to be..However.. we never made it to our second destination: Danum Valley... As some of you know (through my blogging habits) I was due to return a week from my last post.. Unfortunately myself and two other colleagues met with a rather nasty accident. Which has left all three of us in shock and pretty much scarred for life (emotionally). I have never felt as lost as how I feel today.

I feel the need to lash out, to unload the events of the past couple of days via typing a post in my blog. Some people have journals.. I use a blog to vent. When I first arrived back in KK yesterday evening, I was advised by two medics to speak and seek comfort from either family members or close friends. I really wanted to speak and be with someone in fact ANYONE that I was close to .. my timing was unbelievable... everyone I decided to call were either not answering my calls, or their mobiles could not be contacted or they had things to do. I know I cant expect people to be there for me 24/7 but how shitty could my timing have been? I survived the actual day of the accident without really venting or showing any form of emotions other than the fact that I was exhausted and sore, it was when I returned to KK and at the airport where we were greeted by two other colleagues did I collapse and start sobbing.

The Day (5th April 2007)
We had spent an hour trekking out of the jungles of Imbak in the early morning. We then took the back route out of Imbak to Tawau, after driving 100km out of Imbak as we were coming around a sharp bend heading downhill we lost control of the vehicle and the landrover had then started skidding and swerving a couple of times before it finally tipped over and flipped about three times and landed at the edge of the road ( a couple of inches more and we would have been trapped in a ditch or heading down deeper into the jungle ). Did I also mention the oncoming flat-bed truck ? I actually braced myself, I knew we wouldnt be able seize control of the vehicle but what happened next was a blur of events.. The windscreen, passenger windows shattered as we toppled over and bits of glass flew in all directions.. when the whole 30 second ordeal (which felt like hours) came to a complete halt.. my first thought was to check to see whether everyone was still alive..that was confirmed when both of my colleagues started shifting in the front seat and urging each other to get out of the vehicle.. I was lodged in the back seat of the vehicle and the only way out was through the non-existent windscreen.. I then (without even thinking) decided to head back into the overturned vehicle and proceeded to use our radio comms to contact our fieldbase whilst I was in there I actually managed to grab my bag and started picking up everyones valuables.. I cant believe I did that... That vehicle could have exploded, That vehicle which was on its side could have then toppled into the ditch bringing me along with it.. AND to top it off I was trampling on bits of glass wthout any shoes on as my flip flops decided to fly off my feet when we crashed.. what was I thinking? What made things worse was when the truck driver got out and started narrating the very detailed and gruesome play by play of what he had seen and how he didnt expect to see any of us alive and how surprised he was to see us crawling out of the vehicle: I'm glad my colleagues do not understand the language as the description of the accident by Mr. Truck Driver has been in my thoughts for the past couple of days and sends shivers down my spine everytime I think about it....Although within seconds of that, all three of us collected our thoughts, discussed, decided and was able to get the car the right way up, gathered all our stuff that had scattered across the road, delegated tasks and got ourselves to the nearest village. I think I scared the socks off our fieldbase in KK, the only area that had reception in that stretch of road was on top of a hill and on top of a rock.. hobbling over to that rock and trying to contact fieldbase was torture: I spoke to our Expedition Leader and got cut just as I said "Hello, calling to let you know we got into an accident (CUT).." I was supposed to continue with "but we're all alright.." so the poor person on the other end was left hanging as I unintentionally ended the conversation with just that..to cut a long a story short ..they had contacted the paramedics and as we entered the village we were brought to a small clinic and treated. The villagers were wonderful people who had prepared food and beds.. though we were keen to get to the nearest town.. spent the entire afternoon at police stations and then checked in to a hotel in Tawau.

Day 2
We woke up feeling very sore. My body was aching. I didnt want to take the pain killers given to me and woke up regretting it. We then developed the pictures we took of our vehicle (or what was left of it) .. head to the police station and spent the morning submitting our report..the driver had to give a statement of the accident, unfortunately as the only person who speaks the language, I was brought in as the translator and was very much involved with the whole procedure of being interviewed.. I think it was too much for my colleague as she was in tears.. so I continued with the interview.. After our horrendous morning at the police station, we were then faced with yet another obstacle of securing seats for the next available flight that would take all three of us on a plane back to KK.. as one of my colleagues did not have his passport.. spent a good 4 hours in the airport and when we finally arrived in KK I just couldnt contain myself any longer..I really did underestimate the "shock" from the accident and how it would effect me..it took about a day and half for the shock to actually kick in... I find it hard to fall asleep these days as I start visualising the accident in my head..

I have never sobbed the way I sobbed today. I have never felt so lost. I have never felt so alone. I have never felt so scared and shaken. I have never felt completely numb. I have never felt the need to have someone to comfort me as I have had in the past couple of days. My thoughts are still all over the place. I know I will get over this and the only way I to get through this is to jump right back on the horse again.. so I plan to go out in the landrover again..

I escaped with slight injuries: A slight limp coz I hurt my left foot and toe (currently in a bandage), cuts here and there, badly bruised (particulary my left arm and leg - I landed on my left), bruised back and spine, and a big bruise on my head (swelling has gone down which is a good thing).. I'm lucky to be alive. As I was unpacking my rucksack I found a shard of glass from the windscreen, I decided to keep it as a good luck charm, my colleagues think I'm nuts to keep something that would remind of the accident but to be honest ... I think we were very lucky to escape with just cuts and bruises....

"What doesnt kill you (literally in my case) makes you stronger"

my life in a nutshell.

2007-04-02T14:38:00.000+08:00

I had a great weekend. It was great to have both Saturday and Sunday off (rare treat!) I am now planning and packing for my trip around Sabah to visit all project sites and I have 1 and half days left *shit* I still have heaps to do!

I'll be spending quite a bit of time this week, bouncing around in this landrover!

My weekend...
Saturday
*Lunch with a colleague at Shangri-La Rasa Ria Hotel. Great food. Great conversations. Great
time walking in the mid-day sun on the beach. Result: Scorched soles.!
*Spa package at Kaandaman Spa and Healing garden. Relaxation package: Foot Spa, scrub,
reflexology, shoulder massage, aromatherapy full body massage... ahhh...
*Coffee/coke with a dear friend down by the waterfront.
*Stayed the night at the Colonnades Hotel Apartments: early check-in for my cuzzies who arrive
on Sunday. The place is huge! I havent slept in a proper bed in ages!

Sunday
*Airport pick-up at 11am.. my cuzzies and niece are down from the UK.
*Lazy sunday, hanging out with a couple of jet lagged bodies.
*Beer @ night.. down by the pier... my tolerance for alcohol is at an all time low, I would be a
terrific date, very economical ..quote unquote someone from Hull-Mr. El-cheapo! You better
start polishing your beer drinking skills!

The Raleigh Bubble.

2007-04-02T13:07:00.000+08:00

If you've ever worked/participated in a Raleigh expedition, you'll understand the whole dynamics of the"Raleigh Bubble". We recently received an interesting project proposal via email by a Sam Hyman, one of the band members of D-Koy who married a local village girl whom he met in Borneo on one of the project sites 10 years ago! Interesting story read on (article from www.thisisleeds.co.uk )

Leeds band D-KOY will travel 7,000 miles to play a gig before a remote tribe in Borneo for a cause close to their hearts. Alison Bellamy reports D-KOY are set to be rocking on top of the world when they record a song at the top of a remote mountain in south-east Asia. The band will climb more than 4,000 metres up Mount Kinabalu, in the Sabah area of Borneo, for the recording and they will also perform to the Rungus people, an indigenous tribe who live a basic existence without running water, electricity or mod cons.The unusual venue was picked because Leeds band member Sam Hyman married a girl from the tribe 10 years ago. They met after he went to work in the remote jungle village, on an environmental expedition to build bridges. His first glimpse of the village of Kampung Longgom Kecil was from a canoe as he crossed the mangrove swamps. Villagers, who have their own language and live in wooden houses on stilts, earn money from growing rice and producing copra, a tough fibre made from coconuts.While there he met Sabrinah, fell in love and ended up building a new life for himself. They married and lived there for a year, while he taught English.Now they live back in Leeds with two daughters, Ellyanna, six and Julianna, three, but the village is never far from their hearts. College lecturer Sam said: "Travelling back to Borneo is very expensive and it is a remote place to reach but we all can't wait to go back and it will be nice for the girls to see all the family, as nearly all of the village are related to each other." Although we all live here in Leeds now, we send money back to the village. We haven't actually been back there for about four years. All the family are going as well as the band, we will stay for a few weeks. I believe our daughters are the only half Rungus, half English kids in the UK."We are keen to raise money for the people, just to buy basics and necessities such as food and to grow rice in the paddy fields."We are looking forward to the gig in the village which we will make a live recording."The band, whose sound is described as a "beautiful melodic drive with a blend of rock and pop" is made up of 30-year-old Sam on bass guitar and vocals; Seb Greenfield, 30, lead vocals and guitar; Jimmy Milne, 21, on drums and vocals and James Casey, 21, guitar and vocals.Last year they played Leeds Carling Festival and have several gigs booked this summer. Sabrinah, 26, said: "I love it here in Leeds, it is a long way from home but I have settled in. I really like the wintertime and love it when it snows." At home the family speak three languages; English, Malay and the language used by the Rungus.They are all flying out to Borneo in August, via Kuala Lumpur, to play and record a song at the top of Mount Kinabalu, the highest mountain in south-east Asia, which is just under 14,000 ft (4,095 metres) high.And then they will play a gig in Kampung Longgom Kecil. Sam said that over the years D-KOY have regularly fundraised for the village, sending proceeds from their EP Why Should I?, which they recorded at Host Media Centre in Chapeltown, to the village to help to buy much-needed food and clothes, and in some cases, medicines. They also collect donations on their website. On the expedition to Borneo 10 years ago, Sam was joined by Seb, after the pair met at Bradford University. They worked on various community and environmental projects, including building a bridge which provided a vital link between the village and the outside world. When the project was over, Sam stayed on in the village for a year with Sabrinah. Sam added: "The Rungus people quickly took me in as one of their own. "I can't wait to go back and see my old friends – and, of course, the in-laws.""Working with the villagers, we're planning to build a makeshift stage in the village, and run the amplifiers off a diesel generator. This gig, and the performance at the top of a 4,000-metre mountain, must be a first at least for a Leeds band, anyway."Their next gig is at The Primrose pub, Meanwood Road, in Leeds on April 18. Find out more about the band and listen to their music at www.d-koy.com or www.myspace.com/dkoy1

deffo support from me. D-Koy will be in touch!

"and when you want something.."

2007-03-28T14:07:00.000+08:00

"..all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.." Paulo Coelho ... The Alchemist

There are many things I really want. Who are we kidding? We all have wants..although I'm amazed at the fact that I actually know a certain someone who is keen to abide by his new year resolution of diminishing the very thought of even having a "want" or a "desire" in mind... sorry dude .. at the end of the day WANTING to not want is technically a WANT..
With all the so-called selfish wants I've been planting in my head for the past couple months I hope this "want" of mine is granted: I REALLY WANT to help a certain individual and I probably will go out of my way to help him. I know I shouldnt really bend over backwards to help someone out but I dont know I feel really strongly for this person (not in a sexual way mind you!)

Well to cut a long story short: I have just had a pretty challenging couple of days due the nature of my "work". ..Today (unintentionally) I stumbled upon a situation which had no quick solutions .. one of the participants who came on board a couple days earlier had second thoughts of continuing on with the expedition here after having only arrived several days ago. I later found out what was causing the anxiety and somehow or another after having a little chat with him, convinced him that he should not pull out and continue on with the expedition... It did leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling having being able to help in what ever little way I could to encourage him... at the same time I realised I had opened up a can of worms....I hope he pulls through despite the problems thats he's currently facing... in fact he wants to change his life and I really want him to change his life too... its in his hands .. both of our wants together ..lets hope Mr Coelho is spot-on the subject of "wants" ..*fingers crossed*

"although sometimes what we want isnt necessarily what we need..." ~anon~

and the decision has been made...

2007-03-25T23:27:00.000+08:00

After much consideration (and procrastination!) I have finally decided to get my arse into gear and move on to greener pastures (not exactly greener.. but definitely different!).. was a rather difficult decison to make but it sure as hell sounds like a brilliant plan. I am currently in the process (well I had to re-do my applications just as I was about to submit it due to unforeseen circurmstances..) for my work hol visa to the UK and with the support of my dear dear friends *fingers crossed* and if all goes well .. I can book my one way ticket out of here.. There are some other decisions I need to make before heading out to the UK but I'll deal with it when the time comes.. call me crazy, insane a complete nutter but yeah gotta get this whole travelling and-living-out-of-my-suitcase bug out of my system before I hit 30. I need to sell my car, pool my dosh, pack my shit among other things and thats going to be a challenge in the next couple of months as Raleigh is not your regular 9-5 job, I barely have time to breathe let alone LIVE! Why am I heading back there again? It gives me the opp to catch up with some of my mates I havent seen in years, makes travelling to Europe a whole lot easier (and cheaper!) among other reasons AND this whole idea of going back to the UK has been sitting at the back of mind since I was working in KL in 2002! Well life had plans for me and being in Sabah has definitely given me a better insight as to what I wanna do next... good bye comfort zone, hello independence...

words of wisdom...

2007-03-22T11:09:00.000+08:00

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
~Oscar Wilde~

Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.
~Albert Einstein~

The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart.
~Benjamin Franklin~

Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.
~anon~

When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there's no need at all to understand what's happening, because everything happens within you. (p155)
~Paulo Coelho~

It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting. (p11)
~Paulo Coelho~

What's the world's greatest lie? It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. (p18)
~Paulo Coelho~

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. (p23)
People learn early in their lives what is their reason for being. (p25)
~Paulo Coelho~

I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we're living now. (p88/89)
~Paulo Coelho~

Have a wicked weekend people and for those on their travels think of me.... I'll be running around like a headless chicken yet again...

a race against time

2007-03-19T17:57:00.001+08:00

So many wants in life.. so many "I wanna do this by the time I'm 30/40/50.." or "I wanna do/buy/see this year/before I die/before I settle down" ... why do we give ourselves such restricted time lines? What justifies the need to accomplish certain things by a certain age or in a certain time frame? Would it make a difference if I were to do things earlier/later in life? I could never understand this as a kid when parents say: "Go do your chores NOW" "Learn to read by the time you're 5!" "I want you to be in bed by 10" I can now see why certain things need to be done accordingly However...time lines still continue to haunt us even though our parents no longer nag us or are on our case when things arent done by a certain time. Nowadays its more of peer pressure and the need to conform to society so you are your own "nagger", I think we unconsciously nag ourselves: "I need to get a stable job/secure a house/relationship/marriage/kids by the time I'm 30" "I need to travel the world before I settle down!" etc .. The fact of the matter is the world works this way and yes I have to confess I'm a little worried about not being able to do the things I wanna do as I am in that same fucking (pardon the french) race against time alongside everyone else... I really want to travel and work abroad and I am actually running out of time .. I have to apply for the work visa, get myself sorted before I turn 30 (coz its stated in black and white that they only offer that specific visa to persons aged 30 and below... sad to say I dont have that much time to faff!) So its really now or never. I never thought the day would come where I would actually be slightly concerned about my age.. I know some of my buddies out there think I'm nuts .. as most of my friends have already done the whole "grown-up thing" of either securing a house/car/other half and on to another chapter of their lives which leads to having the 2.5 kids, a dog and the whole picture perfect house with the white picket fence .. and then there's Mia who does not have a stable job, a house, a proper car (I do not consider my 15 year old piece of metal junk an ideal car-though I am quite happy with the fact that I get from A to B in one piece and honestly thats all that matters!), LOL no one wants me other than the occasional dick who wants to get into my pants (although I'm not in any rush to go running down that altar: a relationship would be nice!) I had a conversation with one of my mates the other day and he thinks I have commitment issues. Seriously. I dont have issues with commitment.. reason being as to why I have yet to secure a house/car is coz I still want to travel and I'm actually worried that these additional expenses could potentially bite me in the bum as I might want to settle down elsewhere and I would then have an unoccupied house and a car thats going to sit and rot in the garage.. as for relationships.. well I did try.. thing is the person for me would need to understand my need to accomplish certain things and understand the line that I am in. I think I'm fairly easy to get on with, I dont ask for much and if I had to I would live on a shoestring budget. My dear boss aka great chat mate gave me some terrific advice today which was really inspiring. *sigh* well we'll see...

cruisin'

2007-03-19T11:36:00.000+08:00

Another manic week in my little Raleigh world.. I have travelled North, South and East of Sabah, about 4 road trips throughout the past week..Its quite rare for me to have a day off these days and when I do have the opportunity of having to do the things I WANT to do instead of what I should be doing .. its absolute bliss.

I got up early on Sunday (stupid o'clock but well worth MY morning out of bed) and jumped into the 4WD, with MY tunes cranked way up I drove out of town and I decided to take the scenic route.. the coastal highway, picture perfect! With the ocean glistening in the morning sun and a brilliant view of Mount Kinabalu on my right..I loved one bit of the route where I had to drive across a gigantic bridge and the view down below was amazing I was distracted and for a split second almost forgot that I had to focus on the road! I actually quite enjoy driving, I enjoy the
'me-time' which I have very little of these days.. (Although I have to admit I do get bored easily when I have very little to do : symptoms of a workaholic!) I then met with mum and dad who stayed at the Shangri-La hotel the night before and had a terrific Sunday brunch .. However whilst thinking of how wonderful the day would be for me as I decided to stroll on the beach alone... my thoughts were rudely interrupted by the beeping of my mobile and my work number flashing on its screen .. Oh god..I then found myself driving back through that scenic route I took earlier and back to the office on a Sunday *groan* Despite having to spend a couple of hours at work I did have an ok day... I think in this day and age where the day goes by in a blur and we rush from one episode of our life to the next we actually learn to appreciate the little things in life.. little things like a chocolate bar to a couple of hours of me-time to a nice stroll in the park... I barely have time to breathe these days and I have started to miss the things I use to have/do ..

I am alive.

2007-03-12T23:26:00.000+08:00

She has disappeared from the blogging world for quite some time... FYI (well for those who are genuinely interested): she rants, she raves and yes: She's still alive! Just updated my other blog.

rant rant rave rave

2007-02-15T00:41:00.000+08:00

It has been a successful past couple of weeks..very satisfied.. but absolutely knackered! Have been updating my other blog regularly though .. so if you are interested in what Raleigh and what the mischievious mia has been up to check my travelling/Raleigh blog! I am currently seated in front of my laptop with a dozen (no not roses... ) leech bites which are driving me mad as its itching and I should be heading to bed.. so LATERZ...

frazzled..

2007-02-07T22:54:00.000+08:00

So many things to do.. so many questions to entertain... so little time and space... as of today I have moved into my office (well most of my necessities that is..not ALL my things) Currently there are about a dozen or so jet lagged bodies roaming the rooms of the office/fieldbase and I have 3 new roomies.. most of them flew in from the UK today so they are still settling in. I will be SUPER-DUPER busy in the weeks to come so my face will be in and around town as well as the jungles of Borneo.. looking forward to it as one of my best friends will be joining me *yay* and this will be the largest expedition Raleigh International has ever seen.. we're talking about 130+ participants (from around the globe including 20 malaysians) and 30 or so volunteer staff... *sigh* am tired and need my bed .. my brains have been working overtime- good and bad ...good in a sense that I feel very much accomplished..bad as I am left frazzled at the end of the day and feel as if I am about to collapse! The current situation I'm in is similar to the show "Big Brother" or "Survivor" depending at how you look at it should be interesting ( a bit of drama in some areas! )Its funny how different one individual is from another.. I mean you throw people from different careers, backgrounds and beliefs and you really have one melting pot of occasionally what I would sniff out to be as trouble .. an interesting ride it will be till the end of the expedition and one of my only methods of venting is via blogging and writing letters (not necessarily emails.. but handwritten letters-especially if you're smack in the middle of the jungle or on an island!) It really is therapeutic! Especially if its an odd hour you have no one you can actually ring to speak to..YAWN... time for bed...

random shite.

2007-02-03T12:55:00.000+08:00

Just one of those days. I'm mentally exhausted and cant be arsed to construct long sentences into essay type posts.

* I feel accomplished after the week I've had. I like working under pressure. It
makes the results of what you're working to accomplish more satisfying.
* These days I love being engrossed in work keeps my mind of other things.
* Am loving my job but feeling a bit anxious of the next 3 months. Inkling of an
epic in the near future.
* Am getting a new set of colleagues and they have started flocking to Borneo.
They never fail to amuse me although some tend to be "different". Bring on
the doctors, nurses and paramedics and other medic types: you have your
hands full in Borneo I'll guarantee that!
* When you're busy you forget the time, the date, other important issues and
occasionally you feel as if you've misplaced your brains.
* What happens when you throw a pole dancer, a school teacher, a vocal gay
type, a stud, a 40+ rocker in one room? I dunno. Watch this space for more
details.
* I appreciate the opportunity of having to laze on the couch and popping a
DVD in on a Friday night with great company. I'm going to miss that!
* I need to move out.
* Glad my mates are currently all happy and in their individual la la land...
keep it that way happiness can be rather infectious!
* A baby girl is expected in June (no not mine..). Congrats peeps.
* I have to be up by 5am on Sunday ... NOoooo... all in the name of youth
development ... Yaaay...
* I need a shower desperately. I need my bed. But I'm still seated here.

By the way check out Quentin Tarantino's latest movie : Hostel

not for the weak hearted... you will learn unique techniques of using a scalpel.

lovin it.

2007-02-03T00:45:00.000+08:00

"You Give Me Something"

You only stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep

For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

You only waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what they mean

I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might call you from my heart
But it might be a second too late

And the words that I could never say
Are gonna come out anyway

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart

~James Morrison~

Lovin the looks. Lovin the voice. Lovin the words. I know what he means. Ditto.
~Mia~

the zone.

2007-01-26T01:24:00.000+08:00

Imagine: A foreign country. A foreign state. A rented room in a strange town. No friends. No family. No idea of where your next pay cheque is coming from. No clue. No plan.

Intimidating? I would be lying if I said it wasnt even the slightest bit intimidating.Though there has always been something in me that has found the idea of being out of my comfort zone to be exhilirating. An idea I've been toying with from the day I left the comforts of home after secondary school. Its time for me to move ahead. As of recently my brain has been working overtime conjuring a plan and I wouldnt say I would be shifting off to greener pastures. Just something different. Checking my emails I read of my ex-colleagues from Raleigh and their plans for the year 2007.I have to admit I am a tad bit jealous as most of them are leaving within the next couple of weeks. Destinations such as: The Cayman Islands, Namibia, India, Germany, Phillipines, New Zealand, Las Vegas and one of them decided to return to none other than the beautiful Borneo! Realistically I can probably only shift mid 2007.. and in actual fact the months will go by really quickly so I do have some planning to do beforehand.. Me? the person who would rather live day by day having to plan.. how surreal!

have a wild guess as to where I'm heading. Pic above is a hint!

Its 1245am and here I am typing away on my trusty laptop at home where the BBC Entertainment channel is blaring from the telly. Parents are out of town so I am housesitting, so far its been great: Its been awhile since I've had days to laze (hey that rhymes..*lame*). What am I up at to at this hour? well work is one reason. Chatting with mates all over the globe. Checking emails and pics posted on the net by mates. Checking out the blogging community and found Yo blogging about Raleigh. I managed to twist her arm => thats a lie. Setting: Yo, Me, 2 pints, pub. 2 days later she found herself being introduced to the whole Raleigh experience.. Yes Yo.. trust me it will be a rollercoaster ride..as for Mantanani island..well we'll see. We all need to break out of our comfort zone once in awhile...

Quotable Quotes
“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.”

"A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown.”

“To the degree we're not living our dreams, our comfort zone has more control of us than we have over ourselves.”

all dressed in RED..

2007-01-22T14:06:00.000+08:00

The beautiful bride and the charming groom..
Congratulations P & B... We love you guys..

7 bridesmaids, 1 best man and one flower girl: the entourage was spectacular.
Spent last week assisting with preparations for P & B's wedding! It was a blast, though with the celebrations and the preparations throughout the week it has left most of us feeling rather sluggish .. Wicked time drinking at the "after-wedding" party, needless to say all of us were pretty hammered! Am curious to see the professional shots taken as we had a photo session at the hotel after the church service (think: zoo animals, the tourists were amused and were taking shots of the bride, groom and the 7 + 1 bridesmaids and best man trailing along after them...) No major hiccups.. we did have a minor technical glitch though on the night of the wedding dinner the stupid projector was not projecting the slideshow C & I spent hours doing ... how annoying ! We finally managed to configure the lap top and projector, so the slideshow was presented towards the end of the night... *sigh of relief* P.s I caught the bouquet .. LOL this should be interesting, of all the single gals standing there I think I would possibly be the last to wed.. oh well never say never!
Below Piccies of the wedding (for those who couldnt make it..)

getting ready...

pretty bridesmaids in a row...

Me: lets have a look ... WOW can you say RED!
AG: You could stop traffic in that dress...

There should be a procedure/preinterview in the whole selection of bridesmaids, you could end up having one with a few loose screws.. pic above: EXHIBIT A.

Losing track of the number of bridesmaids at this wedding...
(How red are we???)

Loving the mini as a wedding carriage..

The reason as to why they created the role of a Best Man/Best Men... Best Man aka personal slave to bridemaids.. KT Best Man @ Bag "Lady" for the day..

Stop right now thank you very much... (quote unquote spice girls)

busy busy busy

2007-01-19T17:57:00.000+08:00

Run, run, run... rush rush rush... its been a crazy 2 weeks.. With me running from one end of KK to the other, from KK to the jungles of Borneo and answering phone call after phone call AFTER phone call.. we had a wicked introduction weekend where we brought out 15 young uns out to the jungle to give them a sneak preview of what we are all about and how we run the actual programme (if you're interested in participating as a participant or staff for Raleigh or simply wondering what the hell the author of this blog does for a living click here). It was a huge mix of different cultures and backgrounds. You have your educated, english speaking city folk and then you have youths from disadvantaged backgrounds who speak either very little or no English! Needless to say it was an comical weekend where I spoke different languages and various accents! I played some thinking games and team building activities in which some had very simple solutions. Your guess who figured out the solutions? The rich educated city kid? or the kids from rural areas with no opportunities for education?.. Most of the solutions were simple and the kids from these remote areas of Sabah were quick to solve these problems. What I realised from this weekend: When you are content with the little you have, you tend to see and appreciate the simpler things life.

Other things I have been up to? Preparing for one of my best friends wedding.. I cant believe the amount of work and effort people put into weddings from the obvious such as the venue, the food etc to something as small as a bobby pin the bride has to use on her big day.. the outcome: Fantastic (will blog in separate post about the wedding-it was great: Am exhausted, lethargic and slightly hungover today, as the wedding was yesterday, the after-wedding party in the hotel suite was a blast! )
Its full speed ahead from tomorrow onwards as the expedition is drawing near.. so my main focus for now: Work. Dont get me wrong I love my job! I was offered a once in a lifetime opportunity (although many may disagree!) Its not exactly financially rewarding neither is it a stable, secure job. I still consider it a career, one where I reap rewards in other intangible ways. Experiences and lessons I will never learn in a classroom or if I was in the regular 9-5, rat race industry. Out with old in with new .. need to detox and spring clean - thanks to the festive season I drank, ate and stayed up late almost every night.. time to take care of my health!

dead or alive.

2007-01-08T12:56:00.000+08:00

Whats your thoughts on this?

'Dead or alive' (excerpt from the BBC News webpage)

There has been much speculation in the American media about the form that Saddam Hussein's interrogation might take.

In his television interview, President Bush said he did not know what precise techniques were being employed, but he said we do not use torture. (yeah right! yet in other news reports you state that this "tyrant" deserves the ultimate penalty-you're contradicting youself Mr. President!)

Mr Bush also had a warning for the US's most-wanted man - al-Qaeda leader, Osama bin Laden, saying he would be captured "dead or alive".
"We're on his trail, too. He's probably in a hole somewhere hiding from justice," Mr Bush said.
~BBC NEWS~

Mr President who died and made you god? are you any better than Saddam himself to actually sentence the man to death. Yes, I think the entire world agrees he's not exactly Santa Claus(although he does look a bit like Santas evil twin in the pic above!) and doesnt bring any amount of joy to anyone on this globe, but wouldnt life imprisonment be more of a punishment? To let him wallow and think of all the nasty things he has done in his life? To be honest if I were some criminal I rather be sentenced to death then having to be locked up in a cell to rot for the rest of my life! (hmm... is this the form of punishment you didnt want Saddam to face as you do not believe in any form of torture?.. wow how thoughtful *said with utter sarcasm*)

tying the knot

2007-01-07T00:55:00.000+08:00

Just got back from a friends wedding, the largest wedding I've attended. The guest list hit about a 1000, they had 6 food stations, in one of the largest halls in KK! ..I had a pleasant evening chatting with friends I havent seen in awhile, some of them flew back to KK especially for the wedding! .. Tis the season where most girls are sporting the latest fashion: a rock on their ring finger. I have been invited to 8 weddings this year and the wedding invite pile on my desk is starting to grow! P.S Only one minor annoyance that I need to get off my chest: due to the fact that most friends at this age are getting married, old friends, old relatives start expecting the same from me and the usual "So when do you plan to settle down?" and questions as such start popping out and when they find out you're single some feel the need to play matchmaker!
So I have come up with some of the best answers to such questions:

1) "My other half is currently in Russia involved in some top secret mission. I cant reveal his
identity as I then might have to kill you." (Use this excuse if you're single and when an
annoying aunt is trying to hook you up!)
2) "My other half is currently in Nepal, involved in a charitable cause." (refer to above)
3) "I would love to settle down but its so hard to find likeminded ladies in this part of the world..
Oh didnt I mention that I was homosexual. "(Use when you please, or just to shut some one
up).
4) "No one wants me. Its not that I didnt try." (This could either work well for you
or annoying aunt and her matchmaking skills might be introduced into the picture.. so use
excuse wisely. It usually shuts people up!)

Take note that realistic, honest answers such as : "I am really focusing on my career and am not interested in marrying any time soon", "I havent met the right guy" or "We both need to save some cash before tying the knot" does not work and you're in for more of a headache trying to respond to other questions due to them prying even further into your situation.

Other than that though I love attending weddings. The nitty gritty details prior to the ceremony is amazing! I now understand why some couples tend to have the wedding jitters. Flowers, the dress, the venue, the guest list, invitations...this explains why people are engaged for about a year before the actual ceremony. I'm guessing it varies across the globe. In this part of the world the typical sit-down dinner is compulsory. The invitation list is usually extensive. One of my girlfriends will be tying the knot this January, as one of her bridesmaids, I'm getting the jitters! I really cant imagine being in the position where I'm the bride!
To all my friends around the globe who are tying the knot this year: Cheers! Have a good life together and please arrange for me to be seated as far away as possible from the aunt of yours who feels the need to hook us single girls with some poor single chap at the wedding.

freedom of speech.

2007-01-04T15:46:00.000+08:00

Speak no evil.

Note to all friends, strangers, random readers. This is my PERSONAL weblog. I am entitled to write, type, b*tch, rant, rave on whatever topic I choose thankyouverymuch. If you find any of my posts offensive, irrelevant to your daily lives, a chick blog thats full of fluff, TMI(too much information) on nothing really practical, random news----> TOUGH. Move along skip this blog, in short just stop reading.. why bother? I received a message from some idiot who had to leave his/her two sense about my blog.. *sigh* to all blog hunters who are ready to gun me down do understand that a healthier method of venting is by starting a blog.
Hey thats an idea why not start one of your own? and in that blog you can b*tch all you want about the blogs you read... (*rolling of eyes*)

P.S In the event your eyes have been blinded by the excellent graphics of this page, located in the left panel is a description of what this blog consists of: AUTHORS RANDOM THOUGHTS, RANT AND RAVES ON EVERY TOPIC UNDER THE SUN. Further down theres a lil blue ribbon supporting: Stop Internet Censorship. Free speech online.

goodbye 2006. hello 2007.

2007-01-01T13:26:00.000+08:00

Let the sun set for the last time in 2006...
(pic taken at Bukit Naga.. in September.. post pics of last sunset 2006 soon..)

Blogging from a beach resort at the moment... Its New Years eve and here I am with about 12 other friends. A chance to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city. The idea of being cramped alongside about a 1000 other people in a club for new years eve was definitely not an attraction. As I type this supposedly last post for the year, I would like to boast that I have a spectacular view of the largest waves I have seen in Sabah, the sandy beach, the last sunset for 2006 in the background, my strategically constructed hammock currently in use by the guys who have never seen a hammock, everyone chatting animatedly as we countdown to the New Year... Our accommodation for the night: a chalet by the beach.. although my hammock is looking
rather inviting at the moment... Sometimes unforseen circurmstances and no actual planning lands us a good deal.. our little getaway will cost just under MYR100 each. Am prepared for a long session of chatting, BBQ-ing and boozing. Sometimes we need to get away from it all.. am being a little anti-social at the moment but am appreciating the little alone time I have on the balcony of the chalet.. To all my friends and family scattered across the globe I hope you're enjoying the very last hours of 2006, its been a rollercoaster ride of events and emotions, bad at times, great at times
but it all adds to the memories that we will always link back to the year 2006. Its amazing how unpredictable this year has been I am wondering whats in store in the years to come, the friends I'm with now might still be part of my lives but in a turn of events and seeing how life has and always will be unpredicatable I might not see any of them ever again.

Happy New Year everyone. Let it be another year of unexpected events.

P.S PEOPLE POLL HAS BEEN UPDATED. HELP ME DECIDE! POLL LOCATED IN THE LEFT PANEL OF THIS BLOG.

the need.

2006-12-30T15:04:00.000+08:00

What is it with the need to have resolutions?
If you know what you want. You will do what it takes to achieve it. Cheers to the New Year! (My last post for the year 2006!)

I

Random conversations in the local watering hole and social circles have led to:
"So.. Mia what are your resolutions for the new year?"

As I sit and ponder of the year to come, I actually thought back to this time last year and the vast difference between those days of 2005 and the day I am currently faced with, in fact only 2 more days of 2006.

Dec 2005

I was in a stable, high flying career. (your regular rat race where everyone strives to sell themselves, pushing their way up while kissing the feet of the people who supposedly matter)

I was financially sound. (Pretty much!)

I was in a relationship.

I constantly had plans, schedules and events (whether I wanted them or not!)

I was mellow, indifferent and a bit bored of life.

I lost the drive and motivation to work. Things werent much of a challenge. The only challenge was trying to find the time to have a day off!

Dec 2006

I am in a line of work where there might not be a tomorrow.

I am definitely NOT financially sound.

I am single.

I have no plans, schedules or organised events.

I feel alot more vibrant, eager and energetic.

I have the drive to work and constantly improve and looking into challenging situations.

Achievement in the year 2005

????

I struggle to actually think of what I had achieved in the year 2005 other than the superficial.(this was after I refered to the blog posts I had in 2005!)

Achievement in the year 2006

I finally hauled ass up that Mount Kinabalu (twice!)

I finally gotten over 3 "so-called" phobias (driving, white water rafting -after a rather scary incident I swore I would never do it again but I did, I'm claustrophobic-I managed to get my diving license *smile*)

I gotten out of a job that I have been with for the past 3 years-breaking out of the comfort zone and realised I am capable of doing ANYTHING that I set my mind to.

Met many interesting characters who have definitely enlightened me

Alot more that I cant think of at this very minute..

I cant believe what a contradicting year it has been..it has gone by fast yet slow ... I am still amazed of the events that have occured and when I recall the events throughout 2006 it either makes me grin from ear to ear or makes me wanna break down and sob. All in all it has been a year of change. I am looking forward to the year ahead and anticipating the challenges that lie ahead.. Resolutions?? I can throw the idea of having resolutions out the window. My only hope for 2007 is that it will be a better year then the years that have passed and that I will be happy. FULL STOP. Nuff said. Am out tonight although am not really in the most social mood but it is the last saturday for the year and new years will be a slow day for me. To all those reading this post.. I wish you the very best for the year ahead and hope that you have learned a great deal from the year that has just passed. Goodbye 2006 Hello 2007.

Things I have learned in 2006:

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do but to the best you can do.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains. (blogging more like it..)

I rant. Therefore I am.

SERIOUSLY--I HAVE MOVED!

I HAVE MOVED.

out with the old. in with the new.

My list for Santa this year

I know. ITS been AWHILE.

bonjour, au revoir, al -salamulaikum, ala laasalama...

and so the journey continues..

Happiness..

I have been meaning to...

brain dead today so this is what I did..

sunday thoughts..

10 rules for being human.

once you start.....

Speling misteaks.

The Meaning of life..

Jambo, Kwaheri.

fatism

Fatism (n) -

Attack of the killer cows..

*disappear* reappear.

The Sunscreen Song

Oops I did it again...

sweat. run. gopher.

Tribute to Tobes.

Cruelty is now Art?

the rant is over.

I read something today..

Ebony and Ivory

Blogging down memory lane..

better days

real time.

the grass is green.

Older=Wiser=More emotional?

of milipedes & giant squid

The Goldfish Bowl

What are your thoughts?

regrets?..

Weigh out the positives ..

DO you know what you want?

Conversations with her..

Rants and Raves of my new home for now..

Happy New Year from Crabby, Krabi..SawadeeKa...

The big bad world.

Thank you and Farewell.

Festivities.

Lost piccies..

destination: Somewhere?

"It's the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary" ~Paulo Coelho~

blank

one of em' days..

random conversation..

things that make you go "hmmm.."

time zooms by..

think about it.

decisions decisions decisions

the heart of Borneo..

neither here nor there..

the real world.

randomness.

snap happy.

whats up?

Exploring.

look after you..

its finally over...

the pressure is on..

starfish

keeping it together..

heated debate

Numb.

tackle a problem..

tick tock..

check list.

why?

all fluff and no substance?

I'm back...

in more ways than one..

I had it again...

and the results are in...

nerves.

disappear reappear.